Kablag!: Ang hymno ng mga bangag

I'm so sick and tired not only of these daily metro manila hassles that I refuse to accept as merely part of routine. If you have the notion that I can make the worst situations turn out to be the best...you're right! But now is not the time for that...that forcing my mind to take things and put them in idealistic perspective. NOW is the time of the bangag. Also of the fact that my past blogs have mainly been in the English language kills me...sorry, that's just how I best express myself. But I guess a lot of people tend to misinterpret you with your English ano kamo grai? analogies!

So let the eevil bangag person in me take cruise control for tonight's insights!

Honestly, I'm simply on override...over riding MRTs that seemingly pretend to be some fast way to get around the metro...ang mensahe ng bangag nation: IN your bleeping dreams... bakit tila every fifteen minutes ang intervals? e para kaming sardinas kanina and it was just 8:30 pm muntik pang mahulog babae sa rails tpos gagwin nyo pipito? prrrrrtttt, exuses Pinoy po ang hinahandle natin!!! Panu na pag mga call boy ang sumakay dyan?! Tumpak! Jampak na yan!

Over na sa siopao at Slurpy ng Seven Eleven isigaw mga bangag: oi kulang ang service, where's the sauce??! Okay na sana yung "Good evening sir, welcome to Seven Eleven..." But no, nohohoho, they make you slip with them mopping antics tapos tepok pa ang aircon na tinitipid...bakit ba? cost cutting that you want to sacrifice excellence in service? Anu gusto nyo i-project? That we Filipinos are experiencing winter whaw, disagree kung gusto mo pero ahem...please mainit ang panahon...baka pwede painitin motor ng mga aircon?

Over na rin ako sa tv, kasi pag uwi ko, aba aba aba ang Lord of the Krings: Return of the Kringest ang palabas so parang wow dizizit ang pangontra sa pagkabangag---ang isang palabas na base sa ideyalismo ng Bibliya. Tinamaan ako ng Colt este Coke...haha ang corny....bangag e. Really, napaluha nanaman ako noon lalo na nung battle scenes grabe! Grabe grabe ahem...tindi tsong parang eto na they'll die na for their beloved Rohan and Gondor and here come the orcs---these peabrains of doom, and then bakbakan na, love ko talaga ang mga war scenes lalo na yung mahahabang speeches ng mga heneral o dili kaya ay hari.

HAHAHAHA, this is the day when turncoats become overcoats...gets? BWAHAHAHA!

WoRd fOr ThE DaY: kids...eto ang BaNgAg...nope hindi ito ang lalagyan ng sandamukmok na tubig...banga iyon...hindi iyon bangka kasi balanga yun!... eto po ang bangag ay isang taong nalagay sa state of trance (mga tulala at unpredictable ang behavior) dahil sa extreme exhaustion (wow) or stress...warning: these people are harmful to your health and so drink them moderately...bwahahaha!

Random Thoughts:

Alala nyo si Pampa? Hahaha, ang cute nya cya yung mascot ng Pampers. Remember that elephant? He has his uncanny way to get into your head that makes you think that elephants are some stuffed toy sprinkling water over your baby's diapers...but no, elephants are gigantic animals hunted for their ivory patusok things. Pampa is cute, cute in his little world ONLY. Nanggigil ako sa kanya at lahat ng mga mapupusok na mascot sa tv.

Why did Magellan have to die before he completed his around the world voyage? He was meant to be if you believe that everything happens for a reason. Perhaps because (1) magiging pasaway siya na dahil napatunayan niyang bilog ang mundo at maglalakbay siya para patunayang bilog pa rin ang mundo at doon babawian ng buhay sa dagat imbis na pinaglalaban ang bandila ng Espanya! o (2) mawawalan ng romansa ang buhay niya dahil magalalaho ang pangalan niya sa harapan niya hanggang ma-depress siya at magpatiwakal...sa isang bar. God rest his soul.

Bakit ba ang Safeguard, isang dekada na ginagamit ang kanilang isang dekadang pormyula na nagpapakita ng mga gurang na doktor o kaya ay iyong konsensya na sinasabing...kelangan mo ng superior skin germ protection...pero malamang wag ka na maging creative sa mga ads mo?

A Bangag's Ode to people he encountered this afternoon:

Ilalathala ko sa inyong mga iskreen kung paano ko nakilala ang mga taong nakasalimuha ko after an eventful wake of Rania's good man--his grandfather.

Grace Xaviere Escosia and Dominic Diocera: There she was walking down the street sayin dowadeedeedeeedeeedumdeedeedooo! Grai would have been some pretty woman with all the perkiness enough to light up Broadway. She would have remained in mind as the Pol Sci student who was every bit a contradiction to the concept, mainly because she has some spark in her...she was so friendly, talkative, provocative, thoughtful, and what a blast to begin with. She sat some couple of rows away from our row in early morning Pol Sci 11 classes with Sir Dif. I knew she was all that...but I didn't know she was all that and then some. I was really taken back when she started to utter her first words...my God? is this another of them poveda or st.scho people? I already was well-versed in the ways of these sophisticated women (so they claim) but it never appeared in my dictionary that this simple girl from Laguna would pull out all the stops and beat the hell out of colochial speaking girls. Plus she has loco organizing skills. Plus she has a certain head inclination angle used only for photo ops. Plus she is a real fine lady---well crafted to face the world and say here I am, take me or suffer the absence of me. Why vaseline? Why unilever (ang cute nung bata dun). After much of French, I found out that her energy is for real and she is all that and then some...and more...and those love stories...and those mood swings...and those debates after Jessa's debut...and those and those and then some...hehehe Grai, you continually amaze me with your radiance, an aura that is ready to embrace anyone from any walk of life...and not to worry any brilliant analogy would never explain that. Si dom naman, seatmate ko yan sa tour ng UP, tapos sa 11 din. Ano name mo? Ah, eh, Dominic. He was game whenever I asked for his name---not really aware of what kind of psycho he was talking to. I dig Dom for not only does he think the same way I do on certain issues, he is open to express his thoughts and struggles to you. American Idol...lagi ko yan tinatanung sa kanya. Why he doesn't get active with his extra-curriculars or bakit lagi cya naka body fit. Dom has candid ways---saying the right things at the right time...plus some extreme level intelligence to boot. Dom, you're some man, some great person you are destined to be someday.

Rania Joya: Contrary to the aformentioned person, my first encounter with Rania was more on a serious note. We were in the Freshmen Circle nga pala...that's some feat plus cya ung batch head natin...duly elected that day. We barely knew that we both hailed from Political Science. We barely knew what in the world we were in that meeting for. We barely knew anything about anything. But what was a confusing meeting at start became the beginning of FC03...look at thos black and green shirts...project namin yan! It was the beginning of Baywalk adventures, of projects for even the most apathetic of freshies then, of stories about our org frustrations, and plans and plans that are still waiting to be realized. Last thing I remembered about our first encounter was when we we both got elected, shook hands (nga ba), smiled at each other...including our fellow officers and parted ways with a darkening horizon as our backdrop. Rania, how you blend your niceties with your competitive nature blows me. To you, a smile is what it takes to put your system into work, and after that? pure wonder. Brilliant indeed.

Maureen Lizarondo and Ferdie Quiocho (indi ito blind item): Both met them in 160, both on the other side of the classroom, both wore intimidating looks of utmost sophistication and excellence, both standing tall as if I were some ant---not all that---not anything worthy, both had some aura that fed on some form of energy that made them all the more stand tall. But after slowly getting a feel for these people, I began smiling at them, greeting them (thanks to Rania and Mau) and then having conversations whenever we met each other from then on. It was easy for me to blend in both people. Ferdie for he is simply a genius when he speaks his mind, let alone how he speaks it. Mau, for she is such an energy ball...never lost for words, never tiring with those eyes so open so attentive and ever so watchful...no wonder she understands some of my frailties. Mau always had her way to make contact with me, either hold my hand or message me privately. Mau, I do feel so secure whenever you do hold my hands, utter a few jokes, comment on my senseless blogs, look at me and then smile...I pray I could make it up to you someday. you know I owe you a lot...of apologies hahah! Ferdie, you are the man...you are speaker extraordinaire...not to mention ramp model of the century. ROCK ON PEEPZ

Farrah Grace Naparan: This lady, I had a unique way of encountering. I still don't get her. She is still a mystery to me. Sabi nya topak lang daw at dahil bangag cya pero tingin nya sa akin weird samantalang bangag lang ako nun. Bangag nation ibirit: WEIRD KAYONG LAHAT! So yeah we were classmates in 170 and 160 what's new? To me, everything was new. I really had a great deal of knowledge about her (na matalino to to the nth level, na pang-ms. pol sci, na galing ng tarlac etc) from a very credible source (ahem) heading into this sem...but I was keen on finding out what she and Celine were really like. Alas, up to now I still could not be what I want to be with both of them---a friend. Coz they both exposed my weaknesses...my weirdness and my tendecies to become ego-centric. So anyways, she first approached me Tuesday moring b4 my geog and popped up the question of the day: Meron ka na? In all smiling glory so unassuming of what monster she was talking to. I didn't know what to say...so I smiled and said nothing I recall. I knew it was about 160...but what the heck was it about? She walked away. After that, so-so conversations made up this friendship...when I convince her not to shift, or when I come and she sends me away...in any case love adviser ko na rin to sa isang relasyon na wala naman talaga ako. Farrah, I will get through to both of you someday. Those jeepney rides, lalo na yung kagabi tell me that you are what my friends tell me you are and then some more you'd never expect. Perhaps some smile there and another frank one-liner from you and I'd be blown to Mars. But there I guess lies your sparkle, and beauty and so I conclude that you have indeed a lot of suitors pero that guy from CS must be reconsidering his options haha. Need I say more?

So there mga repapeepz may siposipopeez ewan na ako...ang dragging koh!

Am not really like this, am just haggard, worried, stressed out and bangag in the end.

Ang Grai, am not as good in analogies, but do expect one to come out very soon

Adios! May God's voice echo in your head telling you to be more in touch with yourself!

All in a week's work

The Paolo Sanchez weekly planner:

Monday: 180 exams...felt great about it actually. I was more than certain with the readings I quoted and the terms I encountered and discussed. Span exams...what a misery, I feel so low about that other low that I'm actually thinking of removals...guess what? removals for spanish. Of all my plans for pulling my GWA up to a CS or US level...then this unforseen subject pulling me with another dos point something or a three? God, I do hope Mam Tadem and Sir Naval do see my computations eye-to-eye.

Other thoughts...it's so HOT! It's flaming hot! I'm browsing through minutes and position papers from Congress to somehow have a say on the VAT for the 160 exam but to no avail...the heat is scorching me...tis drying my head. Please someone pour water on my head...the one with ice please...

Louie ang kulit mo master ka talaga ng irugan! Grai, LALO ka na model ng Elida...makers of Cream Silk!

Mau, salamat sa comments...pagkalat mo tong add na to sa mga 07 peepz na sawi!

I should have given her my love letter...I should have been bolder...what was there to lose?

Tuesday: finish this 160 exam, particularly the one on VAT because I just want to postpone this for the following day...argh!...

On a saddening note, please do pray for the repulse of the soul of Rania's grandfather. We do hope our presence in the wake does Rania some good. I, Mau, Grai, Fara, Ferdie, Dom, Ann etc. are to go to Funeraria Paz in Araneta Avenue to pay respect to Rania's good man. I'm sure with such granddaughter as Rania, he must have lived his life well and happily...passing his baton to the next generation...and we're more than honored to be Rania's batchmates.

Wednesday: execom meeting with Buklod CSSP...hopefully I don't strain my neck on another mind-boggling issue debate. Being EdRes Head for a party was not really part of my dreams...coz I imagined myself as the one running hahaha...joke! BUt what an experience friends...what a roller coaster. And Mau, not to worry, I'm not a closed-minded person...should you have any complaints regarding our members or myself...you know who to approach. So please don't let your biases deny access to me...yes your loveable teddy bear! Hopefully we let go of Buklod as a party of block voters from Psych...honestly, we're making progress in Pol Sci...let's not push this rivalry any further.

In line with a future activity, I am to canvass and then buy a new badminton racket...yes...sana di naman Gosen...Wilson hahaha...thanks for the advise Christian Cruz!

Alumni Office meeting again in Marist High...ah...meeting a group of older people who are far more accomplished than you...hope I do contribute something in another brain-scrambling brainstorming session for the homecoming. Long live fratres maristae a scholis!

Thursday: I am keen on talking to someone on the phone...see the Monday comment for further information...her among others I want to catch up with...

PLease James don't call another SUB (UP Bowling team) meeting...not on this day...let me rest!!!!

Friday: Badminton games sa Timog...tentative pa naman ang participation ko...with a lot of APSM people, A LOT...OP ako nito...punta pa ba ako? I already gave her my word e, but I really don't want to be the great grandstander who's not one with them...in one particular category----being a mem of APSM!!! Jason, yes I thought of your advise..but please, I could think of a better avenue for intimacy.

After a heart-pumping smashing time, I go for some serious conceptualizing with Gen Linkers for our youth ministry challenge: GLX: the Gen Link Xtreme hahaha....confidential ang details...basta Marikina Riverbanks...here we come! I wonder kung cnu magiging Ethel Booba? Just remember, Paolo...Paolo Bed...Paolo Sanch....Paolo Bedjao is here! =) ang sama koH!


May your week be blessed with much worries...for a man without problem is a dead man indeed

Martwourthur

PS: Napalitan ko na nga pala ung pic ko sa Friendster...God I look like a hotshot! AHAHAHAHa...joke mukha akong pinaliguan ng gatas dun...check it out pati ung profile ko!
Celine...u still owe me a testimonial...pero please don't force yourself...anlabo ko hehe...thanks!

On to more pressing matters...

March 24, Thursday...five thirty pm...this shall be the last blog entry heading into Sunday...that I can promise you. I've decided to abstain temporarily from the use of the PC and making much noise while Metro Manila is in the silence of the season. Besides, most of those who are supposed to read my blogs such as Maureen have imposed the sanction of sorts as well. In the spirit of sacrifice for a God who has been sacrificing much more, I shall abide. Well for the record, I am to spend the rest of the day in reflection. I shall troop to my room blast the aircon to the max, shut all other appliances and reflect. I intend to "unearth" my daily devotion booklets that, God forgive me, have ignored due to lack of time...what a predictable excuse hehe. Good Friday would be the culmination of this. My churchmates and fellow Gen Linkers head up Prayer Mt. in Antipolo, and I'm here to pray alone...and in the comfort of my room. Giving up the remote and PC is not even a worthy act compared to their pilgrimage =). The good thing Holy Week teaches us is that Christ already laid His life for us. Why must we nail ourselves like Senakulo practicers? To me, it's more of tradition. If they indeed get some measure of divine blessing from that, then we respect their belief and say "Good for you." My Good Friday will be darn good...good for the soul, that is. So in a matter of minutes, I am to release over 180 readings before the long night ahead. I pray I do connect and find His presence tonight. I feel I've distanced myself so much that I also lose the connection I once had with people. I personally do not believe in the serendipity people try to lecture in this week. I do not intend to preach, but just a thought...would God want you to punish yourself? The real issue is, why go on this penitention only in a span of 3 days while 362 are devoted to alcohol drinking and merry-making?...much sarcasm put there. And so now you say that nailing yourself to the cross does you some good? Argh, I am also guilty of this hypocrisy. I guess that there's a hypocrite in all of us. By the way, it also exists during Christmas and every other week when payday's dated. Bottomline, Christianity is a way of living, not a word you put on your resumet. It's in everyday struggles and not in one-shot things. It frustrates me. It makes my head spin.

Thing is...we can't get it out of our system. Problem is...it feels good. Sin feels good...until it gets to you...ask those in prison or perhaps those twenty year olds with two sons and one dime in their pockets.

Political Science teaches us to be masters of the known...of the predictable human behavior...of the calcuable figures on society...of power quantifiable...of dynamics and essays, of papers and their meanings...of this person said this about this state of living or condition of man...of this theory being more applicable than the other...basically of man and his potential...in essence.

Man has potential...but man not good, cheetah better...Tarzan love Jane but Jane clean dishes first (digression)

Man has potential, it is beyond imagination or thought.

Politics in practice does tweak this though, by exposing our weakness---our vulnerabilities.

We love power...we love fame...we'd get there at all costs...we can't deny that.

Thing is, some "Christians" make that their way of living. And we expect people to think that politicians are noble servants of the national interests? Goodness, a lot of people from the outside think that we Pol Sci people are atheists, are godless, are spineless. I wouldn't blame them. I swallow my pride with my spaghetti with that. The products of our department are engaged in this business. (btw thanks Rania sa insights mo...tagal na nun). Sadly, a lot of them think they know everything...astang americana pa dyan. They walk shoulders up and head up high. HELLO? You studied a dying art. Where's the essence of politics? What's so social science about politics? Too many, it's now a profession...a profession of evil to the vendor of fishball outside or to the squatter in Payatas. No, I don't claim I feel them entirely...but thing is, have all those proud people before us felt for them? Pol Sci is a dying art. It has lost its greatness, lost its glory, lost its meaning to porma, to sedans, to limelight, to bank accounts in Switzerland or gold reserves in Fort Knox, Kentucky, USA. You who claim to be older than us have given all idealism for these? You great defenders of the faith in what is good have taken the ways of the world for these?

Man is supposed to be the ideal being, sadly he takes pride in what he is not meant to be.

Political Science is a course about a dying faith...faith that man could lead his brethren in service...in sacrifice...in abstinence from his whims for a common goal.

Too ideal...get real Paolo!

Tell me that and I'll give you a killer smile! Too many people take things for their realistic value tsong...you be one with them and see where it takes you.

In this point I concur with Sir Naval in unison. I'm beginning to think it over and realize what he was apologizing for at the beginning of the sem.

To most of my readers, people from Pol Sci 07...before we preoccupy ourselves with this pre-enlistment madness...let's think muna. NO, not think na 7 am ang Soc Sci 103 or na ang gwapo naman ni Paolo para cyang si Harry Potter na pinalaki 100 times ahahahay!...ANG CONCEITED KOOOO!

pero talaga naman diba? buhuhu!

It's not na galit ako sa mundo...pinapasaya ko na nga blogs ko ehehehe

The challenge is on us...that's my finishing argument. If we enlist for the sake of finishing this project to undergo another sem of readings and debates to finally finish and work for DFA...Direct Foreign Access na isang call center agency AAHAHHAH ang downgrading ko! then we're one with those who have lost their way.

Indi tayo nag-aral ng Pol Sci para magnegosyo...manipula...o mameke...sadly marami na ganyan sa Peyups, who knows, baka ako guilty rin nyan?

Ahem...ang tamaan ay magbato na lang ng tinapay na may keso.

A simple reminder from your friendly neighborhood Paoloman: Feel your course, breathe your course, live the ideals of politics...ang simple nga e...SERVICE...for the people! Leadership and submission to the powers that should govern this world...then ala na sanang wars, or refugees...tsk, tsk

Let's rediscover the real politics...parang Mam Tadem haha...seriously, if we don't then the next generation would keep on writing these messages to wake us up...God forbid it ain't too late.

For the model of politics is not the president but God...sir, correction, unang course and Pol Sci pero even before Lucifer yan

That God thought of sharing some measure of power to beings He shall love as part of His body is politics

That He sacrificed this power because He was alone and that He does not want to go enjoy the spoils of the cosmos Himself.

That He gave His son to die for us who have been so swallowed by our pride.

Have a solemn week everyone. God bless us all!

On Kings, Lords and Jesters

Firs of all a foreword, sorry for the numerous grammatical errors on the last blog. I really was lost, my eyes were almost shut and my mind was on a little trance instigated by too much studying the past days. Anyways, 180 and Span finals to go this Monday and I bid farewell....to the second sem. Also, thanks for the comments. Grai, you really take publicity to the next level. Anyhow, only a select few know that I blog. So Grai, be selective as well...Pol Sci 07 muna a. I remember the issue raised about me and you know who, it spread so fast I no longer could deny when you guys flash those naughty smiles. Anyways, I take pleasure out of it =)

That was last night...this is now...5pm, Wednesday afternoon after one great Psychology 3rd Long Exam...my impression on that exam? hmmm, manageable and so well...I'm more than satisfied with my performance...the result I lay in God's hands.

I am the Lord of the Domain now...only our helper and me are here at home...my family, with all my relatives from my mom's side are now in Zambales, a traditional gathering there. My uncle was the latest victim of a poor airport service, I hope he could find much peace in the beaches out there with my folks. Sis, sorry there is no Internet access there, not unless the Gonzales dudes (my older cousins) bring their gizmos and gadgets. As for me, 180 readings, the 160 things, and a really confusing Spanish textbook to salvage from my cruel intentions---yes I mean to burn them as soon as I finish the courses...joke!

The Lord of the Domain is all alone, he commands his PC, the television and the refrigerator. He has his room for myself, no one to knock and no one to tell him that someone's on the phone and that the popcorn may be "overmicrowaved"...haha, he's such a bad cook. R and B from this compilation of Billboard hits play along in the background, he's thinking of whether or not to replace his Friendster pic, the website as of time of writing is under maintenance (wasn't worth saying). By the way, I'm the he here...am just saying how lonely and bored I am...isn't it obvious? am using the third person to refer to myself, just being playful with words from a language I know I could never master!

It could be seen here how vivid and detailed my descriptions of my situation are. I'm just so alone, so alone, so alone...like a dog who had lost his bone, like the centerpiece of the wedding ring made of diamond stone...like an Italian capone, like an underground gnome, like Spongebob when Patrick is no longer there...he's just foam...haha see? I got it bad!

With due credit to Mau, and Grai before her, I kept or running and re-running Hari ng Sablay by watchamacolit?...ewan I don't know the band's name...Sugarfree ata and True by Ryan Cabrera who should really do away with gel and wet looks for hair...honestly, water is STILL the best hair lubricant and preservative...what the heck am I saying?

I really am reflected in thos two songs...those two artists must have consulted with my guardian angel cupid. Come to think of it, it comes to show that more shallow and general dimensions of my personality are not unique to me...maraming hari ng sablay sa mundo (e di nag-Filipino rin ako...pampa-cute parang pag nandyan na si Pampa ang mascot ng Pampers na ginamit ko nung bata ako...si Pampa ay elepanteng azul...malamang indi taga-Pampanga...syndicated American e...ANG CORNY KOOOO!)

I would cite certain lines from both songs to illustrate or at least twist your imagination:

from Hari ng Sablay:
Isang tama, sampung mali
Ganyan ako pumili
Di na ma_______
...ng puso kong sawi...
wooowooohhh, ayoko na magsori
woowooohhh, ayoko na magsisi
Pasensya ka na kung mabilis ako mataranta

Ako ang hari ng sablay
Ako ang hari ng sablay
Hinding-indi makasabay
Sa agos(?) ng aking buhay

Ako ang hari...ako hari

from true:
You don't know what you do
Everytime I walk into the room
I'm afraid to move
I'm weak, it's true
I'm just scared to know the answer
Are you feelin it too
Do you even know you met me

I've waited all my life to cross this line
To the only thing that's true
So I will not hide
It's time to try
Anything just to be with you
All my life I've waited

from me:
Bahay Kubo kahit munti
Ang halaman doon ay sari-sari
singkamas bangus, tinapa, sinigang baka, batani
sitaw, bataw, batani (ay naulit)
AW, may singsing pa man dyan uy, may bagong cellphone ka pa day uy, may maruyang nakalalalson uy!, uy! uy!

HAHAHAHA! Please allow me some room to be myself hahahahahahaha!

Ahem...

Going back...

I am the king of pain, the king of failure, the king of doom...wait am i a king in the first place?

My message to those who could relate with the songs, except the third one: Do not fret out, you are not criminal nor culprits to the crime of the century. The world is unfair to those who are fair to themselves and others. The good die young indeed. Well, if there's any consolation, at least you're honest to yourself and is able to understand the gist of your emotions. A lot of men there think that machismo is primo, I say machismo is a thing of the past. Heck, Romans pretended to be macho...look at Caligula and Nero and see who's man enough between the two. So much for praetorian domination. My point is, you are never a lesser man if you are open enough or expressive, or in the contrary, because you don't want to hurt your girl's feelings...you hide and regret. That's okay. As long as you know Who's with you in making those decisions...you're in good hands.

To the women affected by both songs, same thing...honesty is the best policy. You don't want to hurt anymore, or perhaps you have reservations. In matter of love, calculated risks sound irrelevant...but then again, look at pre-marital marriages are matches made in heaven---no they are not.

The lonely love doctor in me would like to tell a tale of a friend from the College of bleep bleep, we're not that close...but I'd keep her anonymous nonetheless...

Indi ko cya binebenta, she herself is eager to see this and laugh at herself afterwards.

This story has been modified so some details are not actually the actuality...gets? =)

She's not open to the idea of dating or courtship. That is what she keeps on telling me (her friends)...and all those guys who have apparently courted her. She has strict parents, she's young..barely legal, she's out of time... she has no time, she's preoccupied with college life (comment: ahem...kung libro lang ang college "LIFE" nyo...please reconsider and breathe in fresh air kc balita ko maraming agiw sa main lib...basta kung yan ang palagay ng isang tao sa college life, then isa cyang robot at ayon sa 101 indi cya fully-functional being...pero cyempre your a student before anything in UP...estudyante ka bago ka myembro ng frat, bago maging isang pulitiko, bago maging isang apatetiko..basta hehehehe!)
Going back...

There is a line of men at her doorsteps, figuratively...and she doesn't want to hurt them anymore (comment: ineng being straightforward isn't a crime). She just is too busy with things here and there and claims that priorities known to her are first and foremost. She knows her God and is in a good proactive relationship...I should know from her Catholic schooling and overall personality. She's a real nice lady, until you ask her out: she has certain ways to down invitations that some men really don't find respectful (comment: tell me about it hahaha). But it gets to the point where she is the victim---hurt by her own guidelines for living.

Dear friend, I don't blame you...your path is hidden from you. It is good that you have a firm grip of yourself. Surely, you'd go places. But if you say that it becomes an ordeal for you and that you know deep inside that you could let someone enter your heart...then why punish yourself? NO, I'm not telling you to be impulsive and let go of principles you hold so dear. I'm just telling you to think and this time, feel. It's one thing to turn down men because you hate their looks or they don't interest you (comment: kawawa naman), and it's another to turn them down because you're obliged to. Then you are a robot, a CGI, a sponge.

Which comes to my second point...just be truthful about it. Love your God, family, friends, and honor your commitments first before engaging in this business of the irrational. You are bound to them before any suitor or stranger. But this does not mean you disrespect them and leave them to hang...believe me I've been there once. You should know when you're ready. You must have prayed about it or asked close people about it.

Time will come...you're not meant for the seminary...or the churchyard I could tell...

Just be happy in the thought that men are there prepared to know you more and be there for more...(comment: I wish girls think the same of me HAHAHAHAHA...deprived ako!)

Not all men have evil intentions...not all are after your money or body or intellect

This is what a lonely afternoon does to you. This is what a day of exams and then abrupt silence does to you. I wish I could say more, but my time is up...something smells toasted downstairs.

To my Pol Sci people...have a blessed Holy WeEK!

Hugs and kisses from huggable Popo---btw yan ang nickname ko sa bahay...hahaha!

Crosswind Reflections

On an Isuzu Crosswind, homebound...aircon is blowing my hair to but thick mop strands...a UP student sitting beside me holding her Oblation Newspaper copy, staring outside into the darkening horizon as if waiting for someone to speak to her or at least remind her that summer is fun and not for the lonely...right across a mother or perhaps an aunt (suits her age), goodness even a grandmother holding her adorable little boy as the helper sits near the backdoor. The vehicle seems new, the aircon is not Nissan-worthy, but cool nevertheless. Of all things to complete this oblivious ride home, you hear novelty songs playing on the background. "I-shoot mo, i-shoot mo na ang ball!" That basketball song just kept on playing over and over my head to the point that I wore one of my funnier grins---the grin intended to tease Jason, Neil, Grai or Marian or anyone I feel like about talking love to. But the night is young, and I am old...oh what the heck. I think to myself, oh dear...what an ordinary night ride...

45 minutes from UP to your house is something of a blessing really, not all studes get the convenience of getting home everyday for warm supper and a good night's rest in your own room with your radio turned up so loud. Sometimes it could be a distraction. But after much of cost-benefit analysis, I thank God for there is no place like home indeed. Why did I even bother to use CBA? Hmmm, that would have been one of the easiest questions in history. Silly me.

I stare with a blank face wearing that old smile as I reach for my phone and see that no new activity has disturbed it. I was the one disturbed actually. Seeing nothing on my cellphone screen was something new. It didn't really cause me to panic, but it did make me worry. This phenomenon all the more affirmed my belief that this ride would go down as one of the most typical rides in my commuting life.

I look at the front, straight into the lcd display of the radio. The graphic equalizer bars kept going up and down. People in front were even more typical, nibbling their nails, PDA, texting over and over, while another kept looking through the other side's window. Some sort of head exercise perhaps. Those novelty songs kept on banging in my head, far worse than a Metallica or say the Story of the Year. Then the Chocolate song as we were heading near our destination---the Robinson's Metro East, Pasig, which I think should still be in the Cainta-Marikina area.

Not less than a kilometer to go, I start waking myself up and saying that this could not be happening. I had a lively 160, that followed two long exams, one (span) I am doomed to fail, the other (geog) I am destined to pass and perhaps go a bit further...haha thank God. But this, this ride is stealing the show. It is slowly becoming the precedent that would destroy my day...no, pulverize it! I had to end this. For a person so used to conversations and happy greetings with strangers, this is no icing for the cake...this is the tomato that rot in a basket of fresh ones.

So, I decide to think. Men sometimes go too far and end up with the simplest of things---if they only could think hard and concentrate. Preoccupation is an occupation, so when thinking, lay it to rest with studying, other occupations. I have Psychology exams tomorrow...gee whiz...I feel so drained up I think I would cram for that 3 am tomorrow. No, that's not worth thinking.

I shall use the past tense hereforth...blerkz

I thought of that engine block in 160--those pistons, those light bulbs. Then for some reason, I tried to think of all the people who wore black this day. I wore black, my favorite fashion color-you can't go wrong with it. Then I thought of Grace Xavier Escosia and her never-ending mood swings. Tell me Grai, is that shifting thing a product of another mood swing? I told her hours back that Psych had too many beautiful people, and Mass Comm had too many noisy and overly-perky people. Not that Pol Sci had no beautiful people...I mean hello...how about blank and blank...and yes, Ms. Grief from my earlier blog? It's just that Pol Sci beauties tend to be more silent about it. I actually like that. Alas, let us not stereotype and insult the great people of Psych. And yes Ms. Grief you are still on my mind...uhu

I smiled anew as I thought of Batch 07, somehow my memory accessed it easier.

I thought of Neil's thoughtfulness, I thought of Jason's openness to matters of this and that, I thought of Mayette squeezing my cheek back in 160, I thought of Mau who I now know is a smoker, I thought of Fara, who was wearing black and was still Farrah---need I say more?, I thought of Celine, and her drifting and initmidating looks, I thought of Ferdie, dude that presentation was something...natural ka talaga, I thought of Rania and her uhu look that would become that of objection once a fallacious argument was raised, of Victor's silence, of Heidi's liveliness, of Isha's report, of the entire class' brilliance and mirth... I thought of individuals in their individuality, of how they contribute to this batch of happy Pol Sci people. Soon enough, I trust that these people would conquer the world. Hopefully, I could still see myself there.

And Ms. Grief...I pray that you or someone of God's bidding be beside me in that future.

I was thinking again, and I couldn't stop thinking so creatively until the break was hit and I was restored to my senses.

I cut this imaginative narration for my short-term memory could only go so far. I was right in front of the mall...all the lights faded and I was back to earth...so I gasped and got out of that Crosswind.

And all the lights lit up again...my ever loving parents had texted me to fetch some things at the grocery. I stood in front of that big building where people converged to face reality...there I stood with all my thoughts and dreams...and those happy inputs I welcomed and entertained. A shiver ran down my spine...I'm back home...and I will take these beloved friends of mine here in one form or the other. Thank God for the human brain.

Adios!

This Holy Week, may we reflect and be creative but substantial about us and where we stand in God's eyes. Hopefully, may we be able to put our thoughts into action. God bless us in this effort. =)

To someone slowly fading

After much to do with 170, and much more to do about Geography and Spanish, one thing remains constant in my mind...someone is fading and fading fast from my memory.

For sometime before the 170 slugfest, I was fixated on this particular person...I shall coin the codename Grief after all her name is Hebrew for sadness. Ms. Grief, why do you torment me so? You deviate from your routine to avoid me...am I a disease? You keep silent, though you know it kills you...am I an anomaly that shuts your ever so outspoken mouth up? Ms. Grief, you could have gotten away with a one-liner but why don't you say it? Must you keep me in suspense, humble me to a prick? Must you avoid me with those flashy eyes, while before we even knew each other's name and intentions, they were so warm, so slow and graceful? Must you be so cruel? Have I done you that much wrong? I try to make it up to you, but can we make it up with ourselves? Questions pouring on, questions I need to know what or how. I am in the depths of reason, not yet in desperation. I am at the brink of losing all imagination. Indeed, if I am the prick, then say so...do not hang me without me knowing why. Do not hang me in suspense of wanting you to say at least hello. Do not hang me upside down for I have been a hanging thorn to you in the first place. Give me a sign, respond to me...for I know I am the one wrong here.

But must you do this? Must you allow yourself to slip to but a fixture in my memory?

Alas, I could not do poetic justice...I am lost for words. I am going loco, I have to pour my heart out.

Perhaps you think I toyed with your emotions...keeping my hidden feelings for you in the box of my Pandora.
Perhaps you think I am some debonair who seems to have everything in the world...you know I have none.
Perhaps you think I intimidate people such as yourself, without real substance only small talk...not a chance.
Perhaps you think I am screwed to my chin, I don't know myself that well, why know you?...tis not like that.
Perhaps you think that God does not live in me for I do reckless things...dear, we do not know God that much.

But perhaps have you considered that I am saddled by much feeling? I have never felt something beyond attraction ever in my life...some love other than for my family. I have never been trained to respond to the mainstream's call---live the fast life, go out and be frank and short. I do not play the flirting game. I take no pride in the ways of many. Perhaps in this knowledge you could lay your doubts to rest. Oh perhaps.

You would want me to lose you...erase you from some memory chip in my overloaded brain.

But Ms. Grief, I thank you for this deterrence of sorts. If this is but a test, than thank you. Should this mean nothing to you...I thank you. I thank you from the bottom of my heart. You are an accomplice, you fickle lady. You are an accomplice responsible in what goodness God has given me these last weeks. I thank you for reading my letter---the content is genuine and sincere. Thank you for bearing my weirdness, my insensitivity, my faults. Thank you for everything---such virtue is true.

Instead you have shown me some respect, love in its silent form...nonetheless more potent.

You, alongside all those people in my life have made me see that God somehow works in the most mysterious ways...He controls my life as much as yours do not deny it.

You made me realize that you were there all along, waiting, breathing, anticipating...should I be correct. I was the one wrong, so dishonest, so self-contained.

From good advice from friends I get a hang on another eventful phase in my life.

I am growing, maturing, thanks to you. My guards are down, you win. But what I refuse to do is to let you slip from my mind. No, my commitment to this friendship is more than you know. Somehow, I shall be more open to you...showing you my inner self...that I do not like writing these kinds of blogs...but I have to. That I am as happy as Makati in the dark...but I have to get this message off my chest.

I am happier than most of all people think. I love them for that. I love every moment given to me...learning from these moments.

I love people, I become a sensitive machine...ready to laugh, to play, to rock!

I draw my strength from these friends of mine.

Thank God I shall also draw some thoughts from you and this treasurable experience. Ms. Grief, smile for you are a blessed person. Do not be troubled with me and my gerrymandering. For I too shall love this experience just as I will continue to love the thought of you...I have never been this struck...lightning save me! So now, you come stronger...your image clearer to me.

Ms. Grief smile for you have a friend in me. If this should go down instead of what I hope it would be, my respect and resolve remain the same. I will be the protector you need, the counsel you seek, the critic you despise, the partner in crime...of theorizing in pol sci you want, and the clown you miss.

I am so happy, I'm laughing my socks off!

Aahhh, what a relief!
Moments, moments, moments

God bless us all!

Wink and sigh =)

Green and black chancellor

I always believed that I was someone special, someone who was different, someone who would lead the good life for I knew I had some spark in me. I still hold true to that belief, but it is in these defining moments in my youth that I begin to see that though I am strong, I am not alone. The green and the black that so mesmerized my childhood is fading into the sunset of nonsensical recklessness, of merriment gone to waste, of indecision that brought me close to the faltering abyss. I believed that men could be chancellors---some fictitious figure torn from a science fiction novel, or perhaps some politically-driven policy paper. Some splendor indeed---that man could wear his green and black robe or armor and face the people he loved like his own. That perhaps is the fate of the chancellor---someone who adored the green and the black. He is bound to himself as he is to his people. Yet he is just human. His greatness is not forever. I grew up reading stories on Washington and Caesar, admiring their stature and how they stuck to their principled stand. I came I saw I conquered. Man could not rule without God. But reality has half-blinded my idealism. The stench of corruption, the poverty that has befallen my surrounding, the hopelessness of a hypocritical race. Truly, God should have frowned. Surely, he must be pounding me with a cotton rod on the back. After all this madness and commotion I have caused, particularly in my university, I should deserve some good whooping. But praise be to God that I am hit hard but soft. My once ego-centric, power hungry self must have died down with the whispers of the devil. Yes, I am in a paradigm shift. No longer am I so thirsty for action, those to glorify myself. I multitask to the point of breaking. I miscalculate and miscommit. I say yes sometimes, taking for granted a million of others I have said my yes to. We have all been guilty of this more than once in our lives. When we think of our hunger before we think of a friend waiting alone in the deluge, it is shameful. When we misinterpret stories and turn them into backstabbing indeliberate gossip. I use these not to excuse myself for being self-centered. I use these to say that I am one with you in this struggle. Cheesy or perhaps overacting as I may come to you, I still am coming to you. Weird as I may be, I still am perplexed to you anyway. My heart that once bragged of its invincibility to such sentimental tendencies is now beating to a new tune. No, not that I am breaking out into a cooler, more fine-tuned Paolo, but am realizing what in this good world has gone wrong with my system. This realization has led to this shift, this right shift from being too occupied with things I know would benefit me and a selected few in the long-run, but towards a more holistic me in touch with those few I may have hurt or neglected. I am not the chancellor clothed in green and black---colors of greatness. What I could be is me---pouring my heart out into this blog...but cautiously as a serpent. Is that possible? Perhaps I am being selfish again, but from what I know, I am no longer the loner. I am no longer the bookworm. Now, I tread through readings with joy and as much passion to light up Paris. Now, I eat with friends without the reluctance brought about by worrying on a multiple of tasks at the same time. Now, my inferiority conflex has come to terms with my superiority tendencies and have made me a more understanding, more open person. My extra-curricular machine has never been this great. My visions have never been this defined, my path never been this clear and wide. But I take the narrow road, for it is in this ordeal that I am able to fully grasp the essence of me. And after that, God shall pave the way for me to conquer the world, in one sense of the word. To my family, my friends to those I have not known much since childhood---my salutations. This is the challenge of the green and black---to be simple, modest, transparent, and transcending as possible. Perhaps I am a breath away. I am just a breath away. Need I define the color combination? In the fabric of how I have transformed myself to this improving being, I believe God will allow you to see the truth about me. The spark in me is now a flame that yearns to grow---from organizations to debates, from lectures to simple conversations over dinner, from people to people, I am human indeed. Nevertheless my humanity and its extent are not confined to norms, but choices I make. Friends, thank you for making me see that life is progressive, not bound to borders...a testament to God's infinite greatness.

And no, I am not gearing up for Political Science 170 just yet...

I am just being same old huggable and loveable POPO, PONG, PAOLO...oh be it as it is.

Several people have made my week extra wonderful...as if it could get any better.

To my blockmates, I am in complete awe everytime I see you happily parade down the stairway. I am held frozen. This week is no exception. You all make me see that Pol Sci students are made, not born. Grai...your warmth, not to mention ecstatic personality, has made smile more than once. Your enthusiasm, despite the threat of you leaving us is something worth pondering on. You will see your plans realized. You will be someone someday. For now, be the Grai that completes our day. Be the organizer of the unthought of. Be the Grai that lit Palma East Wing. Be the Grai who considers me a confadant...a part of her inner circle. Dom, you and Econ are like one entity. You rock econ...as if you've been there for some time now. Jaja, just keep pushing me in YM and I will be what you think I could be---lovelifewise. Louie, yo da force, yo da man! Master Louie, going strong! Master Louie, going on! You make things so simple, so simple...easier to digest. It's like...whoa? When you recite in 180 and 170, I'm like OHKAY, why didn't I think of that? Mara, nuclear deterrence is an understatement. You of all people should know that term haha. Thanks for looking back when I call. Thanks for the ideas in 180. Haha, hope you don't sue me. Thanks for teaching me whatever you teach---some invisible lesson in life. N8, politics is innate...keep the love flowin you rock!

This blog would not have been possible if not for Mau...you simply blow me away with your energy and Victor---the definition of a journal-maker....I shall meet you soon in the CSSP Council...then perhaps you could inspire us with your love stories and yosi-breaking

Moreover to Farrah, my Lord you're planning to what? Last Tuesday was something. Thanks for being frank. The green and black chancellor article is mainly due to your frankness and critical-mindedness. Carla, thanks for being there, Farrah woah...you really plan to ________ there? Who am I to stop you? Just a thought, Sir Naval: political stability=.5 and econ and finance=.25 each. Joke time!

Celine, I owe you one. I know I may come as the most intimidating, weird, and pathetic person on the planet...but I am not. Spongie! Thanks for putting up with my nonsense and blabber.

James...this varsity training for bowling is on its way...hope we make it. Rock and Bowl UP!

Jeff, thanks for the nomination. Now that I'm in this position...I'd try to reassure payback.

My sister, a lot of misunderstandings this week...bottomline: new PC games for us hahaha!

Parents, parliament or presidential? It does not appear that losing your jobs is a big deal...all for the country! I hope granpa was here to see how you rock Congress!

USA: thanks for your foreign policy. I could be amazed or disappointed.

Forgive my grammar, tomorrow I am to take on 170,well make that later...it's 1:30 am and I'm venturing through this Internet craze. Believe me...it helped!

May God keep you under his love and protection. Til next time dudes! Keep posted! Keep smiling! Keep blogging! =)