To someone slowly fading
After much to do with 170, and much more to do about Geography and Spanish, one thing remains constant in my mind...someone is fading and fading fast from my memory.
For sometime before the 170 slugfest, I was fixated on this particular person...I shall coin the codename Grief after all her name is Hebrew for sadness. Ms. Grief, why do you torment me so? You deviate from your routine to avoid me...am I a disease? You keep silent, though you know it kills you...am I an anomaly that shuts your ever so outspoken mouth up? Ms. Grief, you could have gotten away with a one-liner but why don't you say it? Must you keep me in suspense, humble me to a prick? Must you avoid me with those flashy eyes, while before we even knew each other's name and intentions, they were so warm, so slow and graceful? Must you be so cruel? Have I done you that much wrong? I try to make it up to you, but can we make it up with ourselves? Questions pouring on, questions I need to know what or how. I am in the depths of reason, not yet in desperation. I am at the brink of losing all imagination. Indeed, if I am the prick, then say so...do not hang me without me knowing why. Do not hang me in suspense of wanting you to say at least hello. Do not hang me upside down for I have been a hanging thorn to you in the first place. Give me a sign, respond to me...for I know I am the one wrong here.
But must you do this? Must you allow yourself to slip to but a fixture in my memory?
Alas, I could not do poetic justice...I am lost for words. I am going loco, I have to pour my heart out.
Perhaps you think I toyed with your emotions...keeping my hidden feelings for you in the box of my Pandora.
Perhaps you think I am some debonair who seems to have everything in the world...you know I have none.
Perhaps you think I intimidate people such as yourself, without real substance only small talk...not a chance.
Perhaps you think I am screwed to my chin, I don't know myself that well, why know you?...tis not like that.
Perhaps you think that God does not live in me for I do reckless things...dear, we do not know God that much.
But perhaps have you considered that I am saddled by much feeling? I have never felt something beyond attraction ever in my life...some love other than for my family. I have never been trained to respond to the mainstream's call---live the fast life, go out and be frank and short. I do not play the flirting game. I take no pride in the ways of many. Perhaps in this knowledge you could lay your doubts to rest. Oh perhaps.
You would want me to lose you...erase you from some memory chip in my overloaded brain.
But Ms. Grief, I thank you for this deterrence of sorts. If this is but a test, than thank you. Should this mean nothing to you...I thank you. I thank you from the bottom of my heart. You are an accomplice, you fickle lady. You are an accomplice responsible in what goodness God has given me these last weeks. I thank you for reading my letter---the content is genuine and sincere. Thank you for bearing my weirdness, my insensitivity, my faults. Thank you for everything---such virtue is true.
Instead you have shown me some respect, love in its silent form...nonetheless more potent.
You, alongside all those people in my life have made me see that God somehow works in the most mysterious ways...He controls my life as much as yours do not deny it.
You made me realize that you were there all along, waiting, breathing, anticipating...should I be correct. I was the one wrong, so dishonest, so self-contained.
From good advice from friends I get a hang on another eventful phase in my life.
I am growing, maturing, thanks to you. My guards are down, you win. But what I refuse to do is to let you slip from my mind. No, my commitment to this friendship is more than you know. Somehow, I shall be more open to you...showing you my inner self...that I do not like writing these kinds of blogs...but I have to. That I am as happy as Makati in the dark...but I have to get this message off my chest.
I am happier than most of all people think. I love them for that. I love every moment given to me...learning from these moments.
I love people, I become a sensitive machine...ready to laugh, to play, to rock!
I draw my strength from these friends of mine.
Thank God I shall also draw some thoughts from you and this treasurable experience. Ms. Grief, smile for you are a blessed person. Do not be troubled with me and my gerrymandering. For I too shall love this experience just as I will continue to love the thought of you...I have never been this struck...lightning save me! So now, you come stronger...your image clearer to me.
Ms. Grief smile for you have a friend in me. If this should go down instead of what I hope it would be, my respect and resolve remain the same. I will be the protector you need, the counsel you seek, the critic you despise, the partner in crime...of theorizing in pol sci you want, and the clown you miss.
I am so happy, I'm laughing my socks off!
Aahhh, what a relief!
Moments, moments, moments
God bless us all!
Wink and sigh =)
For sometime before the 170 slugfest, I was fixated on this particular person...I shall coin the codename Grief after all her name is Hebrew for sadness. Ms. Grief, why do you torment me so? You deviate from your routine to avoid me...am I a disease? You keep silent, though you know it kills you...am I an anomaly that shuts your ever so outspoken mouth up? Ms. Grief, you could have gotten away with a one-liner but why don't you say it? Must you keep me in suspense, humble me to a prick? Must you avoid me with those flashy eyes, while before we even knew each other's name and intentions, they were so warm, so slow and graceful? Must you be so cruel? Have I done you that much wrong? I try to make it up to you, but can we make it up with ourselves? Questions pouring on, questions I need to know what or how. I am in the depths of reason, not yet in desperation. I am at the brink of losing all imagination. Indeed, if I am the prick, then say so...do not hang me without me knowing why. Do not hang me in suspense of wanting you to say at least hello. Do not hang me upside down for I have been a hanging thorn to you in the first place. Give me a sign, respond to me...for I know I am the one wrong here.
But must you do this? Must you allow yourself to slip to but a fixture in my memory?
Alas, I could not do poetic justice...I am lost for words. I am going loco, I have to pour my heart out.
Perhaps you think I toyed with your emotions...keeping my hidden feelings for you in the box of my Pandora.
Perhaps you think I am some debonair who seems to have everything in the world...you know I have none.
Perhaps you think I intimidate people such as yourself, without real substance only small talk...not a chance.
Perhaps you think I am screwed to my chin, I don't know myself that well, why know you?...tis not like that.
Perhaps you think that God does not live in me for I do reckless things...dear, we do not know God that much.
But perhaps have you considered that I am saddled by much feeling? I have never felt something beyond attraction ever in my life...some love other than for my family. I have never been trained to respond to the mainstream's call---live the fast life, go out and be frank and short. I do not play the flirting game. I take no pride in the ways of many. Perhaps in this knowledge you could lay your doubts to rest. Oh perhaps.
You would want me to lose you...erase you from some memory chip in my overloaded brain.
But Ms. Grief, I thank you for this deterrence of sorts. If this is but a test, than thank you. Should this mean nothing to you...I thank you. I thank you from the bottom of my heart. You are an accomplice, you fickle lady. You are an accomplice responsible in what goodness God has given me these last weeks. I thank you for reading my letter---the content is genuine and sincere. Thank you for bearing my weirdness, my insensitivity, my faults. Thank you for everything---such virtue is true.
Instead you have shown me some respect, love in its silent form...nonetheless more potent.
You, alongside all those people in my life have made me see that God somehow works in the most mysterious ways...He controls my life as much as yours do not deny it.
You made me realize that you were there all along, waiting, breathing, anticipating...should I be correct. I was the one wrong, so dishonest, so self-contained.
From good advice from friends I get a hang on another eventful phase in my life.
I am growing, maturing, thanks to you. My guards are down, you win. But what I refuse to do is to let you slip from my mind. No, my commitment to this friendship is more than you know. Somehow, I shall be more open to you...showing you my inner self...that I do not like writing these kinds of blogs...but I have to. That I am as happy as Makati in the dark...but I have to get this message off my chest.
I am happier than most of all people think. I love them for that. I love every moment given to me...learning from these moments.
I love people, I become a sensitive machine...ready to laugh, to play, to rock!
I draw my strength from these friends of mine.
Thank God I shall also draw some thoughts from you and this treasurable experience. Ms. Grief, smile for you are a blessed person. Do not be troubled with me and my gerrymandering. For I too shall love this experience just as I will continue to love the thought of you...I have never been this struck...lightning save me! So now, you come stronger...your image clearer to me.
Ms. Grief smile for you have a friend in me. If this should go down instead of what I hope it would be, my respect and resolve remain the same. I will be the protector you need, the counsel you seek, the critic you despise, the partner in crime...of theorizing in pol sci you want, and the clown you miss.
I am so happy, I'm laughing my socks off!
Aahhh, what a relief!
Moments, moments, moments
God bless us all!
Wink and sigh =)
posted by green and black chancellor at 5:02 PM
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