Time to strike back

1. That I have two challenging papers ahead. Not that I don't find other papers pieces of cake. I base the challenge on two things (1) that this is PolSc 144 and I feel pretty passionate about International Relations and the other being in PI and Sir Ambeth Ocampo who's just as unpredictable as the weather reported to us and (2) that it's the home stretch and no one wants to be a step behind.

2. Speaking of being a step behind, I plan on working for at least a time or a span of a contract whilst I wait for scholarships and enrollment abroad in a prospective university that offers a course I am interested in. Right now, it's the Security Studies program at the Australian National University or a diplomacy career at Georgetown University. Do I feel great that semblances of me and Sir Kraft are slowly becoming commonalities in reality? Ofcourse! I could only hope our commonalities extending far beyond the academic. Hehe, wink wink...a handful know of what I'm talking about =) My fallback? MIS in UP. Best of all, no pressure to deliver on the short-term. Heck, I don't even plan on using connections to get a job. Maybe some RnR after graduation...experiencing the bum life. And when i feel that insatiable urge to do something big...then I know I'm being called to deliver on my higher purpose. So, step behind? Nah. More of taking life in stride.

3. That I have to wear shorts to UP more often in the remaining weeks. I just don't get it why people react, or in my way of seeing it, overreacting to my wearing of shorts one time. It isn't a pleasant sight! All you see is flesh and curly thick hair! Plan on waxing it? NO!

4. I miss ChocoKiss food! Fulfilled my promise to date Mara there. We had a very enlightening discussion...though enlightening here is tackled in its romantic sense...hehe. I plan on taking the next Sec-Gen, Missy Gonzales there for some pointers and last words. Go Buklod! Go Alyansa! Reaffirmation? I think it is also proving to the community that our voices do matter and our accomplishments are recognized. I felt devastated for Nikka, Deyya and Sasa. If any consolation, I felt proud they handled it with poise and a renewed sense of commitment. We love you guys. Such a valiant effort you gave us. I also congratulate those who won. Viktor...Jeff...the choice of sacrifice indeed pays off. I know how it is like to be a last minute candidate. It does not surprise me that we end up winning after the long climb. Truly, no one gets left behind. To Nikka, I know you're driven to lead and prove a point. Just don't be consumed by a dream. Instead, refocus. Rethink and see what people really need...and from the party, they need a leadership formation that is long-term oriented.

I also enjoyed hosting the Miting de Avance. I did for more deeper reasons, ryt Charm and Ado? The pageantry, the intrigue, the depth, the shallowness...wow. Hard to believe I saw it from nearly all angles---the incumbent Councilor, the Buklod execom memeber, the supporter and once, an innocent onlooker.

5. I had a very touching gift from the Volunteer Corps in our culmination night yesterday. After addressing unfounded attacks by so-called leaders of our studentry accusing this Council of doing nothing, I get more than my fair share of assurance---a token that ALMOST sent me crying. I thank the VolCorps. We have done more than our mandate requires of us. I say the same for my beloved Council. Together, we have done exceedingly and let no one person say otherwise for the proof are all over! Carry on the challenge of being IBA and being excellent in the service! After checking debates online, I thank those strangers and friends who defended the Council against unfounded accusations and completely misguided conclusions. And yes, let the one without sin cast the deadly stone.

6. I'm beginning to develop an Erika Mayoni-type trust issue. I don't know. After experiencing much in the hands of former allies and friends who seemingly have an opinion about everything, I assess my person and decide that my time to hit back has come. It's only that, I don't choose to. It's the idealist-realist divide in me of some sorts. I can hurt people. All my life, I could have just but lifted a finger and schemed chaos on someone with the stomach to make falseties work against me. But I haven't encountered such people. And I guess we all change. Instead of saying "I told you so" or that "You are wrong about me and those I defend", I just stay calm and reflect. I find truth in saying that my justice lies in God's hands. It's rather insulting that these people also refer to God as the source of their faith and still have the gall to commit impulsive judgments about me, what I do or how I conduct my life on the simple basis of hearsay or mere speculation. I'm sorry. If you don't like me, tell me. But don't assume I'll change as if only to conform to your version of what you believe I should be. I hold my head up high. And if it so happens you just don't understand me, or do not comprehend the grandiosity of my dreams for this forsaken world, then don't dare come up to me and give me comments about me based on outlandish sentiments and miscconceptions. POLITICS aside. Sometimes I ask, why the hell should I tell you my side of the story? You're made up about the entire thing anyway. You'll give me your account of a tale and tell me to change. Well, much appreciated. But no thank you. Good advice is only as good as it portrays reality it attempts to resolve. Much like a Miting de Avance spectator--hello, they're brandishing their colors for heaven's sake! In a way, my blog has been my propaganda machine to pour my heart out. If you think you're being hit by what I say now. Think again before you do something about it. I have been misjudged, misread and misunderstood before...sadly, most in my most fulfilling stay in UP. Think again because I have no time for more gossip and more constructed lies. I care about you. And no dear readers, am talking about an entirely different entity here. Do not betray my trust friend. I've said the same things about a traitor in my midst once. Don't be the second. It didn't work out well for him. Matter of fact, he's begging I restore my faith in him, as if it would do him much. I just listen and sigh. Bakit kaya? Karma. Tamaan na ang tamaan.

And if you feel intimidated, naiilang or nayayabangan sa akin...I could just offer a smile and allow you to think your thoughts over. You're better than that.

7. The real thing I don't like about blogs---it's all about you or me. I did this, I went there, I bought such, I feel this way...if you read blogs abroad you find a lot of them talking of organizations, of advocacies, of opinions. Sure, they're all personal as well. But by the measure of what I read and I talk about, I feel ashamed. Sorry if I put value-judgment on my ranking. But to me, it's more than just us being Filipinos or Asians who tend to be more personal and more introspective. If we think this way, I argue that progress may find a difficult time to be part of a realistic agenda. Maybe we could all talk about grand plans, of world issues, of things the public can relate to other than making our stories crawl their way to the reader's consciousness. The time of the "I" has gone too far. Besides, all you get is gossip and a misreading of what you type. Sorry, am just being a pragmatist here.

I've thought it over and I say again. I prefer to keep a side of me kept to myself. I prefer to wear a mask hiding the other half of my face or my eyes in a party. Why? There are some things I am comfortable sharing to other people, some I'd rather be vague about such as some entries in my blog, and a significant percent to myself. I tell people I am a morbid, self-consuming masochist. Maybe. I'm not telling. I guess I've given hints of what I can do to people. Then again, I'd rather be happy. Which is why I am happy. Which is why I pray at night. Which is why I encode long blogs.

God be the light on our path.