my back is against the cabinet...i wish i could look this innocent...Nooottt! =)
pmschronicles.blogspot.com

Dinero Express

Take a ride with pride.

Mapagtimpi akong uri ng nilalang ng Maykapal. Palagi ko sinasabi sa sarili ko, "Daanin mo na lang sa tawa o sa simpleng ngiti." Kadalasan, tumatalab. Minsan nga lang, hindi ko na mapigil ang ngitngit ko. At kapag dumating iyon, magtago ka na. Maghanap ka na ng resbak. Magtaklob ka na sa kumot mo. Bakit? Dahil oras na dumating iyon, nawawala ang anumang banal sa akin. Nawawala ang ulirat ko at nakagagawa ako ng mga bagay-bagay na hindi mo maaasahan. Mandidilim na paningin ko.

So what???!!!

Pero...hindi pa naman nangyayari yun. Hehehe, I think.

I would never deny the fact that I have particular biases I prefer not to talk about. Pushing the wrong buttons in a conversation simply scratches the itch, but does not stop the swarm of insects around it.

I came to think a while back, as I was pressing along, using the Windows (R) calculator to convert dollar prices to Philippine pesos, I'm such a proud man.

Siguro di pansin, pero ewan I always try to be different. Sometimes it is out of real initiative, but sometimes...pride becomes a factor.

I begin to question...is my idealism for life a real theoretical approach or is it something I stand by for the heck of it? Is it really my life, or my projection as this good ol idealist? (Side remark: But by all means, I am not and I guess never will be a fan of Communism...my idealism is Christianity which is in one word a contradiction to the red doctrine and that word is: GOD)

Kamtotinkopit, the greatest fallback I have is God. Kapag ganito na ang usapan at hindi na madaan sa kape o iced tea, I read the Bible and pray. For some reason I am humbled to a prick. For some reason, my doubt in myself melts like ice misplaced in a heated frying pan. There is assurance in God. There is a push and a pull that brings you back to His grace. At dahil doon, I am restored to my faith.

I seek difference, pero ako ang difference...all my weight, the space I take, the abilties I have, the people I owe everything to...alastik Oscar speech na ito!

Isang dahilan kung bakit hindi ako dapat maging abugado ay dahil hindi ko kaya ang pamumuhay ng isang abugado, yan ang paniniwala ko.

And besides, I am an impulsive, emotional, and subjective debater. Add the three and you get not a great argumentative lawyer but courtroom drama that should rate in television far better than how "A Few Good Men (Cruise and Nicholson)" faired in the cinemas. Complete disaster for me.

That said, I am still keen on taking the LAE. Geesh! Ang sama ko talaga. Who knows? God willing, I have more choices IF and ONLY IF I pass the remaining 2 years.

Pero napapaisip muli ako (notice na kapag low ako e nag-Filipino ako), is it because I really do not feel the life of a lawyer o dahil ba hindi ko lang ma-amin na incompetent lang ako? Dapat ba talaga nasa-UP ako? Teka...sino nga ba ako? OA na to!!! Again, is it a matter of pride or principle?

My fallback this time is good advise. Tinanong ko sa magulang ko at salamat na rin sa mga kapwa pol sci majors. Well, alam ko na hindi ako nag-iisa. At alam ko kung hanggang saan ang makakaya ko. To me, my childhood fantasy was to be a trench coat wearing diplomat or ambassador...that I proclaimed straight up sa harap ni Sir KrAfT...nyehehe...thanks ulit sir!

Sure, diplomacy is debate and compromise...but it has its own differences. Like? I guess laws here are indeed less defined or shall I say not as abided to by member countries than citizens. In International Relations, laws are indeed part and parcel, but these are not the main constructs of the structure…rules are more flexible and actors entirely different.

Ahem sa digression.

At huli, is it me or is it how I do it pero hindi ko talaga maiwasan to e.

Masyado na mababa pagtingin ko sa sarili ko on this matter na buong pananaw ko tinatamaan e.

PAG-IBIG…tsk tsk

Has my incompetence reached even this delicate of matters?

Debate nanaman itech!

Masyado lang ba talaga ako malabo kausap? So old school? So idealist? So different from the mainstream?

OR

Masyado lang ba talaga ako OA? So demanding pero so busted naman? So worthy for no one of the female specimen? So kaka? IN short, so alang kwenta.

This is what I have to say. If I am to be me and let everything not me move aside, I am worthless. But if I lose my virtue to the pressures of many, I am worthless as well. Hindi ako doomed sa pag-ibig. It’s just that the time is not now. Perhaps, I should be saving all my love for another person, or for her but in another place and time.

Hindi ko dapat hayaang ang dangal o taas ng tingin ko sa sarili ko ang maging hadlang sa nararamdaman ko.

I love the feeling of love. Is it wrong?

And I trust that God has not set a path of single-blessedness for me. I trust my death will not come, or the climax of my life will not pass without me having whoever that blessing is beside me. Okay…ayoko na ayoko na!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It’s just, ayoko nang madaliin. Ayoko na manakit ng tao putcha naman yan…kahit pagmumura ayoko gawin dito sa blog dahil hindi yan ang kinagisnan at pinaniniwalaan ko. Masakit na masyado e. I think I’ve been beaten up emotionally far too many times in my life, most of the time I shouldn’t have received such punishment but I had to as part of my responsibility to others. Mahabang kwento.

PS: I don’t need a psychiatrist…namamanhid na ako. At dun sa mga nagpahirap (hehe) sa akin sa mga PI at iba pang interviews ko sa UP….CHILL!!! Smiling face lang talaga ako…bakit ba bawal mag-smile sa interview e alam naman natin lahat na hindi kayo masasamang tao kaya nga natatawa ako e…gets? Chill!

I restrain my emotions…my angst, my joy, my sadness, my excitement behind my smile…pwera lang sa blog na to at sa mangilang beses sa ilan pang blog…ang open ko ngayon e. Pero don’t worry, I do express my opposition against a person straight up…so pag di ko kayo sinabihan….oks na oks lang! =)

Call me weak and stupid, but then again you are just as vulnerable as I am. So sa mga may mga maanghang na salita laban sa akin kapag nakatalikod ako (if any God forbid), parang awa niyo na mga tsong…hindi niyo ako kilala…hindi niyo ako kayang husgahan at hindi ko rin naman kayo babalikan. Diyos na bahala sa inyo.

Eto bentahe ng mga Kristyano, o may Diyos sa wala (sabihin na nating claim lang ito), meron kaming fallback. Merong line of reasoning na nagbibigay lakas sa tao upang sabihin na “Let God do as He wills.” There is something worth dying for. There is something worth doing for everything has a PURPOSE. Life has color, has meaning.

Even science could not explain the force that governs all its laws…there is a force that governs this universe. Simply put, man has the right to conclude that God does not exist, but he is answerable for that…and he should defend that. Science could not account for what drives men mad and say that this is God’s will or that is for the better good.

We all seek happiness. But real happiness is earned not searched for. By fulfilling our duties to God and selves, we enrich our souls and think better of ourselves. Only by this change in attitude, change in heart can we have better perspective and appreciate things more. There is meaning, there is fulfillment-another of them benefits of being a believer.

Kaya nga…I love to love!

Good luck sa math ko, bukas na to!!!

First sem na mga chikiting! C u 8am sa AS wan-o-wan, Thursday! God speed!

Choo! Chooo!

Payr ekstingwisyer

So many superhero flicks coming to the nearest cinema...a lot of fantasy, a lot of futuristic fiction. Fantastic 4 (tinging ko lang parang di bebenta to), Sin City, Batman (feel uneasy about this one...hopefully, Christian Bale does the role some good) and even Madagascar (sure they're cute and funny, but weren't Shrek and Nemo cuter?...didn't like the trailer...keepin mg fingers crossed).

Movie Buff Guide to the Galaxy:
Just saw Revenge of the Sith. I could only say that it was "eye-popping". It has eye-popping visual effects, particularly the lava backdrops and the inter-galactic war going on...the light saber fights were basically the same...just added some computers and rocks around them hehe. It boasts of an "eye-popping story...in a sense that so many questions leading to the 1970s-80s hits were answered, at least most of them. As well, the script and acting were "eye-popping". No! Mind-boggling! Aside from some exceptions I think the young actors needed to feel their characters more. I mean Anakin was a good brilliant kid before he became a demented, tormented catastrophe known as Darth Vader...he was not some teenager broken hearted by his girlfriend. Sadly, that's how he depicted him...but give them all their due...they were great action stars for most part hahaha!

It was a great one, arguably the best yet...may the force be with you!

Last week, I was able to display some amazing abilities that normal human beings should be proud of.

Break in case of emergency.

The ability to be nifty in picking subjects: Pinalitan ko ang 167 ko...the Special Topics class...siyam lang kami dun and I really was planning on making that a substitute for 185...na di ko nakuha...salamat sa second wave. Willing naman ako pumila at mag-appeal just to get the subjects I feel I need. Sana si Sir Tigno ay mabiro ulit para may 150 siya kundi...wag na muna. Mau, pakiramdam ko madalas tayo magkikita this sem...sa main lib, sa econ, sa Vinzons dun ata tambayan nyo, sa 110, sa geog, ewan...kasama bf mo hahaha?

The ability to decipher issues and not gossip: Grai, I still don't get that latest thing with you and chocolate (na lagi naka-all-caps ang code name). You are best of friends. I'd be devastated to see this get any worse. Wag na lang pansinin? Okay. But I burden you as much as him to finish this matter. Sana di kasing seryoso ng tingin ko. If there's any way I could help...tell me. Kelangan nyo ng mediator? Peacemaker? Inde...I trust you. Baka siguro kelangan mo ng baker ng gummy bears swimming in chocolate?! =)

The ability to sing in the right places and time: Nung Sunday, sinasabayan ko yung youth band namin sa pagkanta ng "Wherever You Will Go" ng The calling. Suot ko yung headphone sa mixer kasi ala, nagmimix kami to get the perfect audio experience..naks! Napansin nung mixer na may ibang boses na lumalabas at nananaklaw. Kinalabit na lang nya ako reminding me na naka-on pala yung mic sa headphone...syete pahiya talaga ako! Pero teka, pumangit yung kanta nung tumigil ako...umulan pa nga e! JOKE!!! Ang hangin ko naman...pero totoo yung umulan part! Bitter lang ako nun, finals kinabukasan e...ang kantang yun ay may ibig sabihin: papunta ba ako sa biyaheng kwatro, tres, dos, o uno?

The ability to dance: Magpapayat lang ako...take my weight to two hundred...I will be able to unleash the dragon bwahahahaha! I consider myself a creative street dancer...nung payat pa ako..naku...payat ako dati...syetet nasobrahan lang sa vitamins at sa pagmamamahal ni mama at papa...pweh.

The ability to solve the simplest Math problems: Medyo nahirapan ako sa Finals...Hello ang vindicating move ko after ay manood ng sine???? Sobra talaga ang sumpa ng math na to. 60 percent lang please...kahit kakainsulto yun. Pero kukuha pa rin ako ng math 2 hehe...MST ba ito? Yup!

The ability to flash cocky moves: I don't consider this a weakness, in fact, it gets people to trouble pero hindi ako flashy na tao na darating sa party na parang kung sino tapos nakikipagbiruan with girls from table to table. God, nagkaka-allergy na ako makita pa lang nun. Hindi ako mahilig pumunta sa Eastwood, sa Rockwell, sa Gateway, sa Ayala Ctr., sa Malate or sa the Fort kung yung lang ang pakay ko. Ala, naimbita lang ako nung isang gabi...sabi ko: "Group hug na lang tayo."

Lastly, the ability to...be me: If Farrah at Clark were reading this...opinion ko lang parehas ang magiging reaction nyo..."ang bigat a tsong" Hindi naman ganun ka-heavy ang mga blogs ko...medyo vague lang minsan. Teka Farrah...eighteen ka ba or nineteen...mayroong magbebenefit sa information na yan hehe. Clark....ui miss ko na kulitan natin nila Christian sa math canteen. Salamat din Gino...kala ko talaga some tough guy ka pero astigin...subok na sa buhay. Salamat din sa pansin ng mga pol sci freshies sa class namin...andami...God speed sa inyo!

Celine...makulit ka rin pala...intimidate sa akin???!!! Mababaw lang ako no!

Dominic...congrats, APSM mem ka na pala...that's great! As for me, I have the perfect excuse not to consider joining that org for the meantime hehehe!

Rania...wag mo karirin ang sinabi ko...baka lasing lang ako sa iced tea nun.

The State U Bowlers...may miting mamaya..di pa ako nagbibihis...bwahahaha! Good luck sa invitationals natin...La Salle...Ateneo? Ahem. Kaya yan!

Sa Pahinungod...can we extend to another school I think we have the manpower to cover San Vicente...money nga lang talaga....pero a mentor in church told me once and I've never looked back since: "where there is a vision, money will follow"

Sa buong UP_: Panahon na para tigilan na yang pulitikahan na yan at pagwawalang-bahala sa mga isyung nakakaapekto sa lahat. We are a microcosm of this republic. When a man imposes some discipline...we fight back and say HUMAN RIGHTS! When a leader proposes something heavy on the wallet for a genuine cause we say: PABAGSAKIN and all that stuff. Where is the vision, where is the trust?

Putcha naman yan. Tayo ang republika...tayo ang mananagutan sa harap ng mundo. Let us not allow this generation to fail like all the rest. The promise is out there. We can't see it. We've blinded ourselves. We've rested on our laurels and dealt with our own issues instead of another's.

God bless us with the ability to see the real score and do something about it.

What comes to your mind

Meet Alec Bzdelik, another of my pre-math review imaginary friends who seem to have something to say about the random thoughts of the week. He of course is not a doctor or anything like it. If you watch Queer Eye for the Straight Guy (the show where 5 gays try to give a poor straight man a life for a day by redoing his stuff to his own body...get cable na lang hehe), Alec would be the skinny gay named Jai Rodriguez--the counsultant on pop culture.

He, by the way, is not gay. Well...actually he is a variation of the homosexual type. I just kind of compared him to one for the reason that gays have been so prominent in my mind for the past days---there are several in Buklod (ui good luck sa issue discussion natin), several in member orgs, several in SIKAT, several in my math class, and several outside so that's ln of several raised to ten to the base five hehe so it is equal to ten ln of several to the base five...!!! FINALS NA TO!!!

Paolo: "Great day for the movies ei Alec... too bad I have finals come Monday."
Alec: "Oh Paolo there's always Tuesday. You know, I so wanna watch Revenge of the Sith na ha ahahaay! I heard it grossed over 50mn dollars in NOrth America and 40mn more outside hahaaay!!! Hayden Christensen is so cute...so many colorful planets and space ships in fairness."
Paolo: "Uhmm..."
Alec:"Shubababels...I also like J.Lo in Monster-in-law kasi she's....she's...JLO hahahay!"
Paolo: "Don't worry I'd watch it myself. Sorry I can't invite you. I appreciate movies more when I see it alone. Of course, I love companions being there and all. But when I'm on my so claimed movie buff self, I'd take the two-seater alone."
Alec: "It's okay papa Paolo."
Paolo: "Uhmm...please don't call me with that word affixed."
Alec: "Ay K.J., o siya I so wanna see the Backstreet Boys na rin!"
Paolo: " I guess so...of all boybands and all their madness, I somehow prefer BSB more or at least I'm able to tolerate their music better...joke...no offense to boyband lovers of Westlife and Nsync etc...but I think BSB is still the primo boyband. And I shouldn't add arguably."
Alec:" So buy their album Nevergone na hahahay!"
Paolo: "Kung may pera lang ako. Lam mo sharing lang, the past week ala akong ibang magawa sa net kundi titigan ang bagong phone ng Sony Ericsson...yung K750i at yung paparating na W800."
Alec: "Ay sori, love ko Nokia ko...chika!"
Paolo:"Ako Alec pagdating sa phones, SE talaga kasi tindi lalo na tong phones na to: 2 megapixels with autofocus and lighting na camera, bluetooth and infrared, all the advanced Java scripting, organizing functions, max memory and graphics, max features found in all the other SE phones and other phones for that matter...and ang gaan at liit lang nya!"
Alec:"may niliit ba ang presyu?"
Paolo: "On first release baka 500 euro ang K750i, pero sabi naman ng iba e baka kasing mahal ng k700i nung unang release...naglalaro sa 25 thou. Talo nga ako ng kapatid ko e...siya k300i wowowoeee ako t230 yung mabagal pa ang graphix at removable yung camera...bwahahaha....antay lang daw sabi ng magulang!"
Alec: "E fafaano ala kang pera ni trabaho. Tignan mo nga e mama pa nga lang di ka makatagpo, fera pa kaya."
Paolo: "Ibahin mo ko dude, ayokong pag-usapan iyan. Kala ko galit nanaman sa akin. Kaso nag-removals siya sa math 100. So ano naman magagawa ko? Kaming mga lalaki, we have ways to find out if we're doing great with girls or kung rough sailing na. So I texted her last Tuesday, wishing her luck...as a friend should do. NAGREPLY ba naman...sabi: "thanks!!! =)" in verbatim."
Alec: "HAAAYY! Nakakaloka si heartbreaker! Leche ka busted ka naman e in denial ka lang hahahaha."
Paolo: "Call a spade a spade. But I still am a friend...at least I was able to salvage something from that doomed relationship."
Alec:"I so wanna see you back again in each other's arms. Ur so bagay...maybe on the surface but perhaps the inner matters can be resolved. Marriage is about two incompatible people making things work."
Paolo:"Who said anything about marriage? Hehe. Sa comment ni Dominic basahin mo sa blog na yun about eagles landing...Dom, I don't wanna put you down...I do hope that the intensity of what I felt could be equated to the recommended dose for love and not infatuation."
Alec:"Ang lalim, di ko matarok! O ano na ba gagawin mo?"
Paolo: "I have another youth gig sa church, a business proposal thing. Then by 7 tonight, I take on mathematics....ma'am bett says it would be far tougher than any of the long exams...God willing...my performance would not be far worse. I try to think of it in a way Gandalf said: "Many people deserved life and died, many deserve death and live..can you give it to them Frodo?...pag ako nagdesisyon I try to be idealstic...ano ba buti nito sa akin at sa mga mahal ko...I try to be subjective as I am objective...kaya sa math...I have myself to blame or thank."
Alec:"Ang saya mo Paolo...kala ng marami ang lalim mo...siguro you should unmask more of yourself...people misinterpret you or think otherwise...you know tis ur fault."
Paolo: "That's me. I could be better or worse...but I try to adapt...moving away from my serious secretive self...into a more open revealing person one could relate to. I am many things to many men."
Alec: "So u wanna be my fafa?"
Paolo:"ULOL! HEHE! I may not be taken, but am not desperate!"
Alec: "joketime! Ui may bago ka raw ka-issue sabi ni mama mau!"
Paolo:"I told you I'm not desperate...I keep whatever feelings I have to myself or my inner circles."
Alec: "Ay sowi galit ka na ata Paolo."
Paolo:"no... ang defensive no? I just't don't like it when people think I'm desperately shooting for the stars or if I'm seeking trepidation. I guess I'm just too sensitive and emotional...the world on the other hand is practical...exhibitionist...and cruel."
Alec:"I think the world needs more reserved, principled, and idealist men like you."
Paolo:"I try to be one Alec...I can't be perfect as you think...but I can be me."
Alec:"HAHAHAHAAAY ang drama!"
Paolo:"So yun, alas dose na punta na ko sa church...adios amiga!"

...then after this I take a bath...perhaps text brigade friends and family (who are basking in the Zambales sun)...perhaps sing a line from BSB and Lifehouse. Still thinking of replacing 167 with 185...ang tindi ng demand e...tsaka ung 150 gusto ko talaga makuha si Jorge Tigno.

Lam nyo asa Katipunan jeep ako nung Wed...asa harapan si Sir Tigno...tinitigan ko siya...titig naman siya with his sharp "I'm a darn good pol sci prof"-look nag-ganunan kami 3 long times hanggang bumamba ako malapit sa physics bldg...tumango ako...at siya rin hehehe...ang stupid ko!

"I try to live my life like I never knew you...
I'm awake but my world is half asleep....
I pray for this heart to be unbroken...
But without you all I'm going to be is...
incomplete..."

God keep you in your own journeys through this perilous earth. Should you triumph...then you are your man...God's own. Should you stumble and lose your way...God bless you!

Questions better answered than talked about (chapter on my love stupidity problems)

So here I am pondering on matters that bug me over and over again. Man has this unquenchable thirst for ridding demons in his mind that he himself create and replicates Love is the perfect example. What right do we have to say that we do not need love or that love is something better left off for another time? Are we immune from it in the first place? I say no, and one who says yes must be a disgruntled nomad pretending that he commands his life down to his very emotions.

Another good example of man gone insane in his sanity is when he gives himself imaginary friends, which can be said to be in line with dreams and visions which are also immaterial at a given point in time.

My point is, I'm in one of those "hanging by a moment" moment. It's 2pm, relatives are chit-chatting and laughing around, my cousins are having this jam session downstairs, and I'm in the middle of breaking out and being anti-social.

Palagay ko, magwawala na ako maya-maya. Partly dahil masaya nanaman ako sa math exam performance ko, partly dahil pinasa ko ang spanish removals (yes you saw removals in that phrase), partly dahil mayroon pa rin namang nagtyatyaga sa mga SMS ko gaya ni Jason, Farrah, Mau, Clark, Rania, at Grai, partly dahil I'm proud to say that I'm done with most of extra-curricular work.

At partly dahil nag-iimagine nanaman ako...hawak ang cel may nirereplayan, ang isang kamay asa keyboard, ang mata nakatingin sa relo, ang paa ay banat (astig ng pusisyon ko no). So there...meet Dr. Quentin Quack. He'd be the main guy for this blog. Oo nga pala, hi raw sabi nya...

Paolo: "Dr. Quack, tama ba na di ko muna pansinin ung u know who ko?"

Dr. Quack: "Bakit naman? Ala ka naman tinatago. OA mo Paolo. You young men should know better. Pare-parehas lang kayong tao playing the same game. YOu did not harm her, nor altered the course of her game, not unless she was attracted to you...but it stands. I diagnose you with a minor syndrome exclusive to the y chromosome called "defend-my-ego syndrome" or the DME."

Paolo: "Dr. Quack, should I be completely honest about this matter? You know, I'm attracted to this girl...and..."

Dr. Quack: "Shhhhhh! Your DME is worse than I thought. Alam mo alam ko na idealist ka at sobrang in touch sa feelings mo. Pero, at pero, hayaan mong pag-isipan mo at ng partido ng crush mo kung ano ba talaga. Malay mo, corruption lang sa digestive system mo tapos may crush ka nang iba. Get a hang of yourself. If God wills it, you will know. Trust me, attraction won't be the only thing you'll feel as in pare, lahat ng idealism mo about the ideal woman magkakatotoo."


Paolo: "If ever that time comes, natatakot ako. Ayoko kasi mag-flirt, ayoko maging aggressive, I don't want to cause harm."

Dr. Quack: "The only harm you'll inflict is harm to yourself. BUt then again, it is also true that those who think or believe that there is no "harm in trying" say love are those who take risks...you appear to be a non-member of that club."

Paolo: "But I told you doc, I don't do the new-age stuff...will it cost me?"

Dr. Quack: "I believe that the new school of dating, courtship and relationships will get results faster. Although, seeing you as the perfect example of serenading, roses-bringing, long conversation men AKA as old school lads, I recommend you stick to your principles in life and take it day by day."

Paolo: "Do you think I'd get the one for me?"

Dr. Quack: "I am a bit cynical, so I do not comment on that. That is for you to answer. God be your strength my friend."

Paolo: "How should I pick that one for me?"

Dr. Quack: "Geesh man, wake up! God will open the door...you enter...just make sure you don't slam that door or overturn the knob...it's all up to how you do it. I say get a hang of yourself get rid of DME and live."

Paolo: "I'm a bit stupid ei."

Dr. Quack: "For a beginner....na! You have it in you. Just think of this. Take the quote from the Kingdom of Heaven...the king of Jerusalem said to Bailan:

When you face God....you could NOT [rationalize or excuse yourself] by saying : "oh but I was told to do such or that virtue was not convenient at that time."

So when you decide on this matter, and all those questions in your head, be properly guided by your Ms: MASTER, MISSION, and then MATES.

Trouble with men is that he lives by too many principles. Principles that contradict each other leaving him with none. I think, having God should give you the best start. And those who have none of such principles...well...I diagnose them with LLL: Life Least Lived syndrome"

---part 2 tomorrow...ibang topic naman hehe!

The eagle has landed. Kaso mukhang maya

The eagle has landed. He has some real problem though. He does not know what to say. He has no idea what material to work with in hopes of coming up with a good topic. So the eagle flaps his wings and looks around. Seeing the blue horizon and the green fields filled with helpless prey, he flies around. Still this eagle is lost, he has nothing to tell his peers...nothing about his great experiences chasing snakes and rabbits alike, nothing about the beautiful eaglets hatched from the nearby nests.

Gusto ko na maging daddy. I want to be Papa Paolo or Daddy Pao. Now, first I have to have kids. Great kids at that and an equally great wife. Which, by my latest estimates is not going to be mine in a long time. Well maybe because she does not know it. And perhaps it is not our time. NO, I am talking about a different entity here.

Mukha na ba akong playboy? Huwag niyo po iyan isipin. Naku, that be the last thing on your mind. Minsan, mapagbiro ako...kaso mukhang seryoso dito sa blog. Partially dahil corny ako, at kadalasan ala sa tsempo.

That's the last thing on my mind. At buti naman nahuli ako ni Mau at Clarc nung Friday. Ang isyu ko, kaya mukhang namamadali ako ay dahil wala ako mabuhusan ng love. Anong klaseng love? E di ba andami ko nang minamahal? Tawag nga sa akin sa bahay ay Popo. Tawag sa akin sa CSSP Council ay Papa Bear. Yan daw ang punchline ko: Loveable Papa Bear at Your Service. Hahay! Sana naman Papa dahil ang hotty ko hahah. Pero mukhang dahil malaki ako at sarap higaan kaya natawag akong Papa.

At dahil nga wala akong mabuhusan ng INTIMATE love, wala pa rin makasama sa pag-hibernate si Papa Bear. Si Mama Bear kasi, nawawala e, at palagay ko bulag pa ako para makita ang katotohanan. Everything she does is beautiful. Tis great to see.

Blind item. I'm looking forward to our next meeting. PERO ang catch, matagal pa yun. Sorry to disappoint kung akala niyo kilala ko na siya...INDI PA! ANONYMOUS TO BWAHAHAH! Am enjoying the freedom of seeing things through God's eyes.

But I'm not going to push this. I'm determined to accomplish whatever I have to accomplish before looking around for the one again. I have pre-marital arrangements with family e. Sabi ni ma at pa, the right one, the right heart, the right time. Sa ngayon, may problema ako sa right time part. I love to love, pero darating yan. Pinagdarasal yan, hindi dinadramahan. Pinagsisikapan yan, hindi tinutulugan. Pero now, priorities first. Kung single life ba ang tatahakin ko, let the choice be there. God is the strength of my heart...the song goes...and no di to cheesy!

Ang sama nga lang as it is ironic nang biglang pagtingin ko sa homepage ng Friendster talagang napansin ng mata ko yung birthday section, lalo na yung May 10! Nakanaman ng *#^@!_ a ewan, memories. Ala akong regalo, tatago na lang ako! Joke! The best intentions, I still have and wish I will carry on for her.

Pero what if naging Daddy Popo na ako? Kanina nasa com lab kami nila Grai at Ferdie (ang tambalang pang-pol sci balita extra extra). Napaisip ako at kinilig what if kasama ko ang mga taong may halaga sa buhay ko sa computer shop naghahanap ng mouse? Ano sasabihin nila? Words are still of importance to me.

Kung si mommy: "Popo, eto na lang. Ano ba pinakamura dito?" Haay, mothers talaga!
Kung tropang n8: "Ei gusto namin tong pink na mouse...so bagay sa you faolo!"
Kung siya: "Pao, palagay ko eto na lang. Tingin ko di sasakit kamay mo sa mouse na to, latest hi-tech model ng A4 yan. Save your hands for tickling and helping me bake black forest cake. Oh eto honey, sagot ko na yan..." Argh, darn am good!
Kung ang anak ko na gusto ko pangalanang Daniel Joshua: "Dad, I think we'd be enjoying the latest action game if we use this one. Dad, I like this one. No, I like the cool black one! Dad, can we get both?"
Kung single ako eto sasabihin ko sa sarili ko: "Damn it. Pwede na yung luma!"

Reminder: sa mga close girl friends ko, hwag nyo ko please pagkamalang nanliligaw dahil lang makulit ako. Sus, anong batayan yun? Just think of me as an ever dependable pal who can't lose sight of his cellphone's inbox. Ganun lang talaga ako, siguro tong alma mater ko tindi...exclusive kasi high school ko, so kakasawa mag-upakan dito joke! Tanungin nyo na lang kay Venus, at pati na kay Farrah mga Iskolastikans! Naks!

Sir Arnisson Ortega ng Geog...u know naman pare alma mater natin..aim high pa rin!

The eagle is still soaring high. In the company of many, he thinks well, feels better, lives best.

Maraming nagtatanong sa akin, ano ba balak mo? Sasali ka ba ng ORG(S)? Salamat Mau at Grai. Salamat din Dom. Well eto balak ko next sem as far as UP is concerned.

1.) Ituloy ang work sa Buklod CSSP as EdRes Director. Karirrin ang dapat karirin. Mag RTR, magsulat ng statements, manaliksik, magpromote ng pagbabago. Btw, kung may issues kayo against the party...I know you do, tell me...di ako saradong one-sided, one-perspective, one track mind. Let's set divisions aside shall we?

2.) Maging varsity player kuno ng UP. Sa nagtatanong, opkors ten pin to! Kami ang mga unang mapapahiya este masasabak sa labanan...patutumbahin namin La Salle at Ateneo...ahem! Dito rin ako natuto magpalusot Bwahahah! Joke Noel at James...jok!

3.) CHURCH work in and out UP can NEVER be second place. That is a life's commitment.

4.) Mag pol-sci suicide: mag 110, 150, 185 at 178 with econ 100._ at geog ang sarap! Take the plunge iho, take the plunge!

5.) Karirin ang UNICEF, Volcorps at Pahinungod. I can't think of a better way to enjoy UP-hood than serving for free with people you owe your education to. The best things come free indeed. Sharing these gifts, sharing your smile, what a relief!

6.) Sumali sa mga orgs na palagay ko ay makakatulong ako at HINDI dahil trip ko lang o ang sarap isulat sa resumet at gamiting connection. Wish ko lang. I think a combination of the following would enrich me as a working person: a.) a business/marketing org b.) a Christian org c.)a politics-related org, which does not necessarily translate into a pol sci org...whell, not YET.

e.) I am still banking on the possibility that POL SCI BATCH 07 pushes through with its plans (kahit uugod ugod na tayo mga juniors) of leaving UP with an ORGANIZATION that is both service-oriented, avenue for bonding the batches, and relevant as it is a breakthrough. I am always here should this come around. Eto na nga ba ang pamana ng 07? It's a matter of leaving our comfort zones behind for awhile. Daming di maka-gets nun! Kawawa naman.


YAN, di ko alam if after that, hihinga pa ako. PLans, plans, ala pa yung long-term dyan. Naku, ala pa yung na-iimagine kong kasal, yung reception...syet ano to???!!!

Btw, atat na ako bumili ng album ng Hail kumanta ng Broken Sonnet at The DAy U Said Goodnight. Huli ng mga lyrics ang puso ko. And the beat? Reminds me of old school solid rock meets sentimental ballads. Am looking forward to the latest by Gorillaz..the Feel Good Incorporate Single was great...great opening act for a second effort. COLDPLAY! Atat na rin ako para sa mellow drama ng coldplay...astig!

Moviewise, isa lang masasabi ko...KINGDOM OF HEAVEN! AStig movie magic for epics! Great story rin. Panunuurin ko yan!

The eagle has landed. He has something to say now. A piece of him urges him to speak of plans, of memories. He is now ready to say it...all these.

But a problem remains....EAGLES DON'T TALK..so he has nothing to do but fly away. Perhaps in the camarederie found only in flying, he is able to express by every flap of his wing, what he has to say...and that is better than a thousand words.

God inspire you with your own random thoughts to think of and live by. Come to think of it, every day could be your last. Don't forget to have a say!

>>>Normal<<<

Bakit ba everytime I blog, I force people to read the entire length of my obras? Di naman siguro. Again, sa lahat ng mga fans, stalkers, at pseudo-pseudohan sa buhay ko, di ko po nais paputiin ang buhok niyo sa haba ng blogs ko. Ang nais ko po ay maibahagi ang bahagi ng isang bahagi ng puso ko, ng isip ko, ng dignidad kohhhh (ang laswa)!

For those overly predictable reasons, this entire collection is called Chronicles. Sounds normal right? I mean, kulang na lang siguro nilagyan ko ng template na pang-diyaryo to tapos nilagyan ng banner na nagsasabi "The O Section"---meaning, this could be your daily opinion section on blabber without action or gossip without reason. Or this to you may come as the Obituary section where everything is a drag after you've seen the names of the dead.

Kumag.

Kumag lang talaga ako.

Kumag na may amag sa ulo.

Everything seems normal. Normal. What a normal word. To some, it is a mere excuse for being incompetent, unproductive, and to put bluntly, weak. To some, it is a fallback. To some, it is a starting point for things to come.

Gasgas na ang normal sa akin. Nakanaman, gagasgasin ko pah!

Tao lang ako e...sabi ko sa mga taong nagsasabing bakit pa ako nagtiyatiyaga sa taong nagpahulog sa aking damdamin minsan. Tao ako, at bilang isang tao, karapatan kong magmahal at mahalin... kupal sarap ko batukan. Buti na lang mangilang buwan na nung huli kong mabuksan ang isyung yan...maliban lang nung binandera nanaman ni mau at clarc yun nung isang linggo.

To put frankly, ayoko na talagang pag-usapan ang gulong pinasok ko. Para sa akin, iyan ay masarap na bahagi ng nakaraan. Sa mga nanghinayang, huwag po. Di ako nagbibilang pero uhm sa huling tansya ko first time ko pa lang. Sa mga alang magawa kundi asarin lang ako o tuksuhin dahil ala akong nagawa. Mga engot! Alang nangyari sa amin. I didn't even pop the question you overly-windy fools. Huwag niyo ako ituring sa mga pinagtsitsismisan nyo. Siraan niyo na ako dahil sa kabobohan ko---tres lang sa Span 11 hahaha CS lang kaya ahgahahaha! wrong grammar ahahaha! PERO huwag nyo idamay ang taong pinag-uusapan dito.

Huwag niyo idamay ang babaeng ito. Masyado siyang ginintuan para hagisan ng putik. Masyadong mataas pagtingin ko sa kanya. Masyado ko pinahahalagahan dangal ng tao at lalo na ng kapwa ko. Putik! Mga itik kayo! HAHA...cno nga ba pinaparinggan ko? Ala naman ata eehehe!

Seriously, I do pray she finds her peace. I do pray she finds drops of glory and hails of success. I do pray she finds out the special things about her I admired. I do pray she put her questions to rest in God's hands. And so that God may show her what happiness means outside her realm.

Di to panalangin ng talunan, ng torpe, ng romantiko. Yan ang problema ngayon. We see these things as mere child play. If you don't get the essence of these things, then keep shut and pray you find the meaning of how it is to admire someone, and be happy for them til the end.

AND WITH THESE WORDS LET US END THIS CHAPTER OF MY LIFE. THANK GOD.

Normal as a fallback. Honestly, I need a break. Sunday was a start, pero puro exams nanaman and stuff. Sometimes I have to let go of so many duties and work I hold. At such time in my youth, I'm experiencing stress? This can't be. Instead, for some good smile I try to do the following:

1.) Smile when someone sits in the seat you abandoned. Sa jeep, lilingon talaga ako para malaman kung may pumalit sa akin. Sa Cubao, talagang matao kaya todo itataas ko yung balikat ko parang radar para makita lang yun...the rewards? priceless.

2.) Talk to a stranger once in a while. This was one thing my youth and my self today never lost---a knack for: talking, talking, talking, and then doing something about it. Sarap pagtiyagaan ng tricycle driver. You'll be amazed at how they could be so enthusiastic, talking about the simplest of things...like say...a basketball game or the latest gossip. Honestly, ang impatience ko nawawala...nakaka-relate ako e. Sarap sila kausap. Di nila pinapahirapan ang mga bagay-bagay. Pinapaalam nila sa iyo na di mo alam lahat, na di ikaw ang akala mo'y ikaw. Tunay nga, you could learn from them more than a debate with some arrogant lawyer who could go all afternoon promoting his accalades, his accomplishments, his thoughts. Hypocrisy.

3.) Savor the presence of a loved one. Ngayon, as I type, ang iingay ng mga tita ko dito sa bahay (balikbayan) so ala tawanan to the max, para na akong si Santa Claus na naghahakot ng empty balikbayan boxes. But I love it. Their voice (that could send me to glass-breaking school), their stories, their laughter (or shrieks), eveything makes me feel more at home and more relaxed. Whatever is normal becomes nothing but an afterthought. Life isn't normal...it's abnormal.

Normal as starting point for greater things to come. Now, I'd love to see it as that.

We enter the world another face in the crowd...but we leave it with our own legacy.

Syet Paolo eto ka nanaman. I don't mean to preach...but heck isn't that great? Today, I saw glimpses of what could be minimum investments in eternity's bank.

1.) Mau tells me that she's glad I'm back into being normal. Normal is the operational term...but I I know it implies something else. Move on Paolo...damn it move on!

2.) I felt great about my Math exam results and my Span performance. I admit this, I never have bought myself the diligent boy's handy guide to studying. I mean, I study as I please...take long breaks, refocus, pray, text, eat, watch, study, surf, study, pray.

This time, it was all about the hussle baby!

3.) I get home with a smile on my face. That is a miracle.

Impossible is nothing. Normal is abnormal. Face your fears, live your dreams.

Think you can break me that easily? I love to love sugar, I love to fight hard baby, it'd take more than you normal ways to get me down...

God bless y'all!

Absolutely Zero: Face the Music or Let it Fade

This is what Sunday used to be for me...a quiet, calm, relaxed Sunday with the tranquility matched only in an isolated island off the Palawan coast.

I could only think of few songs to characterize how I feel---Sleep All Day by Jason Mraz. It's not much on the lyrics of the song, but the peaceful rhythm that is unique to the song, and Jason Mraz. Absolutely Zero is another great track from the same artist...it talks about a man's depression or his attempt to justify why he has these issues. Another song that hits my head is from another musician of about the same style--- Grammy Award-winning Daughters by John Mayer. And lastly, the first original composition to be released by Michael Buble--the smooth song called "Home". Oh, they take me to our beach house in Zambales, there is some peace to be found there, when the sky blue atmoshpere breaks once in a while for clouds that in turn, breaks the sunlight that can be said as not too hot, neither absent---just right.

You may have noticed that I have much time to think about this. I do have much time, that's what procrastinating your studies due to a holiday break does to you. I don't have much reason aside from that. All but one: I AM WASTED. I'm now moaning like a napping lion, and my throat aches giving me a voice that can be compared to a Nissan SX 200.

This is the type of Sunday I had before...

1.) Before I got to UP, when everyday seemed to be another class day.
2.) Before I expanded my network of friends who seem to find every gig and event on any given day...meaning, I can't decline their offers.
3.) Before I got so active in church, which is a great thing.
4.) Before I started wondering if I ever would find love.

I guess after a lot of mixed emotions ruled my heart the past weeks (those of extreme joy and then anger), I do deserve some excuse to seek my old Sundays. Yes, I need a break.

Here's another guess what for you dear reader: Guess what? I'm such a selfish person.

No, you didn't get cataract and no this is not double vision. I claim to be a selfish person.

In what ways? Well for one, I make people think too much of me as if I were some important person they should look out for. That's the best example.

My selfishness transcends the material realm and into the facets of my mind...my soul. The trouble with me is that I use foolishness as excuse for me being selfish---always bugging people around for a conversation or for some advise. No, I need not be reminded on the benefits of having friends, but sometimes it's just too much.

I ask too much of them. I ask little of me.

I have a feeling this little masquerade is the primary reason why I couldn't get people and they don't understand me. I'm being transparent and sensitive (just read how much I've given up in this blog), but my restraints and my desires all mix up reducing my effectivity in connecting to other people...who hello, are of my age.

I have to unmask myself and get out of my comfort zones. I have to. I must.

You were right Mau, how could I get the ideal woman if I don't aim high and become higher? You were right Grai, I tease you around but come to think of it, I deserve the same ridicule. You were right Farrah, I'm trying to be someone I am not, and trying too hard at that.
You were right Mara, you shouldn't feel for me if I couldn't for myself in the first place.
You were right Marian, some people really don't deserve what is best for them.
You were right Jason, why don't I take chances?
You were right Christian, how am I doing?
You were right Kuya Rene, I think too much, make things complicated. It's just a forest.

I should be a fun person, though my corniness might get contagious. I should be an active person. I should be poetic. I could be me.

It's me and this Sunday. I was so used to my comforts that when I broke out and assumed roles in society, I failed to adjust and meet my values. I'm still in my old Sundays, going back and forth to my old ways and my apparently outdated ways. I have to be progressive.

Old habits die hardest. Some could be useful though. Upon realizing this I cite the two things I dare not lose from my past, bear it or not.

1.) I am a conservative person, someone politically tending to be center-right. Christianity is my doctrine and my superstructure for living. It is where I get my values that lead to my perspective, that help me make or break my dreams. Idealism is the name of my game. I do not like people who tend to see things for ONLY what they are. To me, being creative and optimistic work hand-in-hand, practicality comes second. I am willing to wait or suffer should God not give me the woman of my dreams because of this criterium. I am willing to take criticism for believing so, it is the cross we people have for ourselves.

2.) I am an old school person. I believe in the wonders of serenading women, of long courtships, of sweet Shakesperean conversations, in the ideal relationship. Which on the contrary means I do not do flirting, guessing games, blind dates, syota-syndrome, and trial and error. I guess that relationships have some sacredness still and is not an avenue to satisfy inner drives alone.

What I am willing to change maybe the following.

1.) The way I behave. Some people approach me and address me with po and opo. Sometime back, a lot of studes almost pre-rogged in my class because they thought, I was their mentor to be. Goodness, blockmates even tell me that I am the one they thought was a professor. No, not the fat nerd. God, not even the hot bloated Harry Potter. They consider me a professor impersonator. Flattering. Sometimes it gets to you.

2.) The way I dress. I should try wearing t-shirts for a change. Shorts sound nice on carefree days.

3.) The way I talk. I'm an awful English speaker. One anonymous person gladly humiliated me in our own e-group by commenting on my English. I'll take that as a suggestion to read even more newspapers and practice more speeches in front of bathroom mirrors naked.

4.) The way I see love. Sanctity + a hip way at looking at it...keeping the old school ways dust-free and in tune. If it means waiting, or being single, I have a life to live...so be it. I am unattractive and darn serious at times...a compatible one would come hardest. But ironically, I pray that the one who does fall for me does not expect me to come her way...what I mean is one who rejects the idea of love, and one who claims she's used to the flow.

I thank God for quiet Sundays. I pray for times I feel absolutely zero. No text messages, a lot of veggies for lunch, no new games, no cable...haha the perfect combination.

Tomorrow, another busy day reviewing for Spanish, attending meetings, serving family. I've gotten used to this and I'm happy to be here and having accomplished all I've accomplished, if any.

Next Sunday will be busy I guess...after checking my planner...yes it'd be busy. But I shall forever be waiting for peaceful Sundays when only ballads of love, youth, and God fill your head. Sundays when you are taken to the beach, with only sounds of cars passing by and your sister grooving to Simple Plan reminding you of reality...and at least you're not impaired of hearing.