If only my professors blog
This will be the longest blog of my life ata, and I hold you for your opinions on how I blog: but if you do not read the entirety of my blogs, you’re missing a LOT. TY Grai and Mau!
I really had a big problem heading to today. I had nothing to blog about. I mean, there were not much significant events that I could share, or am allowed to share. Let me think. There was our political party meeting, details I can’t give out. There was another busy day of setting up for our reality challenge for the church youth scheduled for this 30th. There was Sunday, and Sundays are always eventful---getting quality time and all those food, too bad mom was doing ocular inspection in Baguio.
But to my surprise, a lot of minor details that clutter my memory of the past days seemingly surface more than all the others. Let me think. There must be something special about these small events that make them retained in my mind, and persistently part of what I think of. On the contrary, these occurrences come as pleasing to me for now I have a collection of topics to blog about. Shameful as I am that I just ran out ideas, I could only say that times of my life can be so dragging and uninspired, but most of these are exciting and motivating enough for me to live and move on. So on to these small but terrible thoughts of the week. How do I think of thee? Let me count the ways:
Number one detail that bugged my mind: at the end of our party meeting, CSSP Chairperson Arianne Reyes, a good friend and instructor on little matters regarding political science classes approached me and said some things I thought she’d never say. I’m like taken back by this lady who happens to have everything in the world: riches, brains, beauty, a line of suitors, a lot of friends and organizations, a dream, and now, power and fame. So she told me: should you have time, you know I’m here to talk about (that). The that I was referring to was and I say again, WAS my hopeless attempt at love for the past couple of months. I know I disappointed a lot of people when I broke the mold and told them that we and this dear friend were not really on a serious intimate relationship. I clarify for the record, we made it clear to be friends and only friends, I made sure that I did not dare cross the line or else. I acknowledge your argument that we are too perfect: thinking the same way, looking alike, being two darn good people of this corrupted country, and both of us are in the same block and same department. Many thanks for that! But the fault is on me, my gloves were off and with my hopeless attempt that was more that I could not bare hurting her or making myself look like a fool. So I did not even pop the question. So I kept silent and made arrangements with her through implicit body movements, eye contact, and SMS that I thank her for continually replying to. I guess people who on paper look too good for each other, are bad in actuality. They could not find how much they share because a part of them has reservations that deny them access to what could be. God has His ways.
As you may have noticed, I carry not much emotion about this matter. I was flattered by Ms. Reyes’ (should you read this Yani, just forgive my thought organization) offer. Indeed, time and time again you’ve proven yourself to be this dedicated to friendships---amidst the numerous responsibilities and men that haunt you haha!. As for the second part of that paragraph, I rationalize. We men are good at that. I guess I feel nothing for we were nothing in the first place. It’s like how do you feel for a stone. No, how you feel for your friend…there’s a demarcation line between your friend and your lover. I’m glad to let this issue die down. I’m sorry that I gave much trouble. At least, she now knows how I feel and how much I admire her. Oh, what madness men place in the heads!
Detail number two---my dreams of getting back the CS crown are still alive...ATA yun lang ata! So darn, my Spanish simply destroyed my US dreams by giving me a close, as in close to “passing due to teacher’s mercy and affection” grade (pasang-awa). I do not know why in my entire family, I’m the one not loving Spanish. It’s like I’m the one slowly dropping out the taco and tequila feast and quickly running out of words. So much for passing the torch from generation to generation. My family, specially mother’s side lineage was that of government servants and damn fluent Spanish speakers. Example, my great grandfather, who looked much like (naks gwapo no!) me was the first dominantly Filipino-blooded gobernadorcillo of Santa Cruz, Zambales. Don’t tell me that’s not walking and talking Spanish. We all know how officials got their positions back then but at least one thing that redeems him with a select few, he was some generous land giver---a LOT (rightfully naman) of land in the succeeding years handed out even before the first dysfunctional land reform bill was drafted. Buti na lang that great grandpops of mine did not ask much about naming schools and roads in his honor…actually isang kalyeng makitid lang sa Santa Cruz ang nakapangalan, na buti naman ay buhay pa ngayon….mark of a fallen family? At least town folk still remember him and speak highly of him. I guess napabayaan na rin kasi his descendants were mostly Manila people, and were entrepreneurs…not land managers. My grandfather, who thank God mostly inspired me to take Pol Sci through his accomplishments as public servant in LGUs, Congress, Comelec and Philconsa was just as good in Spanish (pero sorry matindi rin mom ko---haha taga-Congress ata yan…ma nood naman tayo movies!). I could not top him, well, not if I become president haha…God bless your soul grandpa. I mean, the college of law in the Commonwealth days was still an outhouse of the Spanish debaters. And I also am so proud to say my grandpa ranked third in the bar (tindi, nagngingitngit na ako sa inggit!). But I’m proud of my grandpa for more than his ability to speak European, but his overall character. His disciplinarian self was legendary, but I think he had enough brains and heart to be so. He thought ahead of his time, was an instant adult when he grew up, losing his father early and sent to isolation in the dormitory to study the most demanding subjects in the world--- like us!
Bottomline, I can’t live up to these great Spanish speakers who happened to excel in other areas they ventured in…at least I have consolation in that. Realization is, their well-lived careers, and lives, made me think that they enjoyed what they were doing, regardless of stress and pressure from a contracting world. Should I follow their footsteps and take up law, I would be bringing a curse upon myself. I simply could not bear law, I mean not the rigors and lifestyle of a lawyer. Plus, debating isn’t my thing. Nothing against law, but it’s just not me. Why? What I am dying to be is a trench coat wearing diplomat for the United Nations. Naks…no really, for the information of people reading this piece, that’s my gameplan, to serve on an international arena, where benefit is maximized definitely not only for me, but those I should encounter and work with or on. Thank God.
I’m also proud of my professors, past and present. Somehow, I was able to connect to each and one of them, figure out their ways, and establish friendship. It doesn’t matter much to me how some people think that being hands-off with your professors is best. People matter to me, and I think professors fall under the same category. Believe me, delicadeza did me little good. Heck, it’s good to be true to yourself as much as you could. Present, I have Betty for a Math 100 prof, and so far I’m taking the blows of the subject in good stride. Past, I got 1.25 in 160! That came as the miracle drug of the week! Out of instinct and gratitude, I found not much trouble to get to and personally thank Sir Naval. I think he has a very good approach and knows the meaning of teaching from the heart and teaching as a two-way avenue. He also constantly, gave me unwavering advice once in a while, even though we met only twice a week, and not much then on. He’d tell me not to be too wordy on my reports, like this blog. I kept on asking him: but sir, how could I not force compromise between good discourse and a short and sweet paper? Never in my grandest dreams was a 1.25 coming..sir, you rock…if profs did blog. Only 180 to go, and well, it looks bright! Sir Kraft was just amazing---he gave me a glimpse of how I might be in the coming years---not only because we look alike in a manner, and perspire a lot, background, etc but also because of how we handle ourselves, think idealistically on politics, and not to mention become rightfully lenient teachers. I remember what he kept on telling me as if imparting knowledge on a burden, he’d tell me: Popo (my real nickname), there is a challenge to re-establish a study on international relations. Sir, not to worry, one way or the other this department has a future in us to rekindle the fire for a discipline in international relations. You are entitled to your own opinions about these profs of course.
Third thing: Mau and Grai’s drive to complete my fantasies in no time. Mau and Grai, I don’t know how to thank you for bearing my subtleties, no matter how I pretend to be all that. I keep on telling you, I’m mediocre, vulnerable, and preoccupied. Come to think of it, I’m indeed those. I know what or who you’re thinking of when I put up that guessing game. Sadly, so did my friends. A lot of my pals’ names fit perfectly in that blank. That was a good guess though. Well, mainly because she also does not reply to my messages, for good reason I know. I need not add more, much unintended speculation springs forth from wordiness. So, there I hope things are clarified.
I’d like to end by giving another guessing game for all my dear subscribers.
Anyway, I know this will come down in history as the game without a solution. First, because it’s about love. Second, it’s about me.
HAZLENUT ALMONDS (ang drama ng buhay ko) (sorry if my rhyme is so stupid, and there is no measure, I had to finish this in 5 minutes…at least it’s from my heart)
Love is not game of ranks
It is not filling the blanks
It is not replacing first option with second
It is not about the cars and hazelnut almonds
If ever I am to find the one for me
I pray that it’s God’s will to be
If ever I am to find the one for me
I hope she does look and so find me
If I ever bargained with God on how she would look like
I would kill the thrill to life, her excites
If I ever bargained with God on how perfect she must be
I would miss out the twist of love, that of incompatibility
Over green rolling plains of the countryside she would be
Minding her business as if men never lived sumptuously
Over her works of pure brilliance
She is preparing a game plan for things that are of significance
I pray she attends to her studies seriously
So that I could make her do other things ridiculously
I pray she heeds her parent’s advice
So that she blooms with the right kinds of spice
I pray she is simple and down-to-earth
So that I could impress her with the beauty of this earth
I pray she is just as idealistic as me
So that our minds could meet and forever be
I pray she wears the thick eyebrows, smart eyes, million dollar smile
So that I could add life and sense into my guile
I pray she is silently praying for love, though she denies it
So that I could find out how perfect we were supposed to...
I'm out of words
For I know she has no use for words
She'd rather feel my deeds, not the way I avoid her looks, her charms, her incense
She'd rather enjoy my presence, and that my absence is worth thinking of
She'd rather see me smile and not suffer longing for her for to her it is a matter of time
A matter of time before our worlds meet
Our ends reconcile
Our differences embrace unity
Our similarities conquer fear and doubt
And should this playful world think otherwise about us
It would be a loss, but not a source of despair
It would be a tragedy, but not broken harmony
It would be a catastrophe, but not a drift
For at the end of the day, I know she believes that
Love is not game of ranks
It is not filling the blanks
It is not replacing first option with second
It is not about the cars and hazelnut almonds
May God continually inspire us even through the smallest and negligible of life events!
Patawad sa mga di gaano impressed sa blogs ko, ganito ako pag nadadala ng emotions...no time to think of style and form...only a straightforward address to ease my mind.
And also, do not take my blogs literally, I have this tendency to simply blow it!
Pakasaya kayo peepz, happy summer!
I really had a big problem heading to today. I had nothing to blog about. I mean, there were not much significant events that I could share, or am allowed to share. Let me think. There was our political party meeting, details I can’t give out. There was another busy day of setting up for our reality challenge for the church youth scheduled for this 30th. There was Sunday, and Sundays are always eventful---getting quality time and all those food, too bad mom was doing ocular inspection in Baguio.
But to my surprise, a lot of minor details that clutter my memory of the past days seemingly surface more than all the others. Let me think. There must be something special about these small events that make them retained in my mind, and persistently part of what I think of. On the contrary, these occurrences come as pleasing to me for now I have a collection of topics to blog about. Shameful as I am that I just ran out ideas, I could only say that times of my life can be so dragging and uninspired, but most of these are exciting and motivating enough for me to live and move on. So on to these small but terrible thoughts of the week. How do I think of thee? Let me count the ways:
Number one detail that bugged my mind: at the end of our party meeting, CSSP Chairperson Arianne Reyes, a good friend and instructor on little matters regarding political science classes approached me and said some things I thought she’d never say. I’m like taken back by this lady who happens to have everything in the world: riches, brains, beauty, a line of suitors, a lot of friends and organizations, a dream, and now, power and fame. So she told me: should you have time, you know I’m here to talk about (that). The that I was referring to was and I say again, WAS my hopeless attempt at love for the past couple of months. I know I disappointed a lot of people when I broke the mold and told them that we and this dear friend were not really on a serious intimate relationship. I clarify for the record, we made it clear to be friends and only friends, I made sure that I did not dare cross the line or else. I acknowledge your argument that we are too perfect: thinking the same way, looking alike, being two darn good people of this corrupted country, and both of us are in the same block and same department. Many thanks for that! But the fault is on me, my gloves were off and with my hopeless attempt that was more that I could not bare hurting her or making myself look like a fool. So I did not even pop the question. So I kept silent and made arrangements with her through implicit body movements, eye contact, and SMS that I thank her for continually replying to. I guess people who on paper look too good for each other, are bad in actuality. They could not find how much they share because a part of them has reservations that deny them access to what could be. God has His ways.
As you may have noticed, I carry not much emotion about this matter. I was flattered by Ms. Reyes’ (should you read this Yani, just forgive my thought organization) offer. Indeed, time and time again you’ve proven yourself to be this dedicated to friendships---amidst the numerous responsibilities and men that haunt you haha!. As for the second part of that paragraph, I rationalize. We men are good at that. I guess I feel nothing for we were nothing in the first place. It’s like how do you feel for a stone. No, how you feel for your friend…there’s a demarcation line between your friend and your lover. I’m glad to let this issue die down. I’m sorry that I gave much trouble. At least, she now knows how I feel and how much I admire her. Oh, what madness men place in the heads!
Detail number two---my dreams of getting back the CS crown are still alive...ATA yun lang ata! So darn, my Spanish simply destroyed my US dreams by giving me a close, as in close to “passing due to teacher’s mercy and affection” grade (pasang-awa). I do not know why in my entire family, I’m the one not loving Spanish. It’s like I’m the one slowly dropping out the taco and tequila feast and quickly running out of words. So much for passing the torch from generation to generation. My family, specially mother’s side lineage was that of government servants and damn fluent Spanish speakers. Example, my great grandfather, who looked much like (naks gwapo no!) me was the first dominantly Filipino-blooded gobernadorcillo of Santa Cruz, Zambales. Don’t tell me that’s not walking and talking Spanish. We all know how officials got their positions back then but at least one thing that redeems him with a select few, he was some generous land giver---a LOT (rightfully naman) of land in the succeeding years handed out even before the first dysfunctional land reform bill was drafted. Buti na lang that great grandpops of mine did not ask much about naming schools and roads in his honor…actually isang kalyeng makitid lang sa Santa Cruz ang nakapangalan, na buti naman ay buhay pa ngayon….mark of a fallen family? At least town folk still remember him and speak highly of him. I guess napabayaan na rin kasi his descendants were mostly Manila people, and were entrepreneurs…not land managers. My grandfather, who thank God mostly inspired me to take Pol Sci through his accomplishments as public servant in LGUs, Congress, Comelec and Philconsa was just as good in Spanish (pero sorry matindi rin mom ko---haha taga-Congress ata yan…ma nood naman tayo movies!). I could not top him, well, not if I become president haha…God bless your soul grandpa. I mean, the college of law in the Commonwealth days was still an outhouse of the Spanish debaters. And I also am so proud to say my grandpa ranked third in the bar (tindi, nagngingitngit na ako sa inggit!). But I’m proud of my grandpa for more than his ability to speak European, but his overall character. His disciplinarian self was legendary, but I think he had enough brains and heart to be so. He thought ahead of his time, was an instant adult when he grew up, losing his father early and sent to isolation in the dormitory to study the most demanding subjects in the world--- like us!
Bottomline, I can’t live up to these great Spanish speakers who happened to excel in other areas they ventured in…at least I have consolation in that. Realization is, their well-lived careers, and lives, made me think that they enjoyed what they were doing, regardless of stress and pressure from a contracting world. Should I follow their footsteps and take up law, I would be bringing a curse upon myself. I simply could not bear law, I mean not the rigors and lifestyle of a lawyer. Plus, debating isn’t my thing. Nothing against law, but it’s just not me. Why? What I am dying to be is a trench coat wearing diplomat for the United Nations. Naks…no really, for the information of people reading this piece, that’s my gameplan, to serve on an international arena, where benefit is maximized definitely not only for me, but those I should encounter and work with or on. Thank God.
I’m also proud of my professors, past and present. Somehow, I was able to connect to each and one of them, figure out their ways, and establish friendship. It doesn’t matter much to me how some people think that being hands-off with your professors is best. People matter to me, and I think professors fall under the same category. Believe me, delicadeza did me little good. Heck, it’s good to be true to yourself as much as you could. Present, I have Betty for a Math 100 prof, and so far I’m taking the blows of the subject in good stride. Past, I got 1.25 in 160! That came as the miracle drug of the week! Out of instinct and gratitude, I found not much trouble to get to and personally thank Sir Naval. I think he has a very good approach and knows the meaning of teaching from the heart and teaching as a two-way avenue. He also constantly, gave me unwavering advice once in a while, even though we met only twice a week, and not much then on. He’d tell me not to be too wordy on my reports, like this blog. I kept on asking him: but sir, how could I not force compromise between good discourse and a short and sweet paper? Never in my grandest dreams was a 1.25 coming..sir, you rock…if profs did blog. Only 180 to go, and well, it looks bright! Sir Kraft was just amazing---he gave me a glimpse of how I might be in the coming years---not only because we look alike in a manner, and perspire a lot, background, etc but also because of how we handle ourselves, think idealistically on politics, and not to mention become rightfully lenient teachers. I remember what he kept on telling me as if imparting knowledge on a burden, he’d tell me: Popo (my real nickname), there is a challenge to re-establish a study on international relations. Sir, not to worry, one way or the other this department has a future in us to rekindle the fire for a discipline in international relations. You are entitled to your own opinions about these profs of course.
Third thing: Mau and Grai’s drive to complete my fantasies in no time. Mau and Grai, I don’t know how to thank you for bearing my subtleties, no matter how I pretend to be all that. I keep on telling you, I’m mediocre, vulnerable, and preoccupied. Come to think of it, I’m indeed those. I know what or who you’re thinking of when I put up that guessing game. Sadly, so did my friends. A lot of my pals’ names fit perfectly in that blank. That was a good guess though. Well, mainly because she also does not reply to my messages, for good reason I know. I need not add more, much unintended speculation springs forth from wordiness. So, there I hope things are clarified.
I’d like to end by giving another guessing game for all my dear subscribers.
Anyway, I know this will come down in history as the game without a solution. First, because it’s about love. Second, it’s about me.
HAZLENUT ALMONDS (ang drama ng buhay ko) (sorry if my rhyme is so stupid, and there is no measure, I had to finish this in 5 minutes…at least it’s from my heart)
Love is not game of ranks
It is not filling the blanks
It is not replacing first option with second
It is not about the cars and hazelnut almonds
If ever I am to find the one for me
I pray that it’s God’s will to be
If ever I am to find the one for me
I hope she does look and so find me
If I ever bargained with God on how she would look like
I would kill the thrill to life, her excites
If I ever bargained with God on how perfect she must be
I would miss out the twist of love, that of incompatibility
Over green rolling plains of the countryside she would be
Minding her business as if men never lived sumptuously
Over her works of pure brilliance
She is preparing a game plan for things that are of significance
I pray she attends to her studies seriously
So that I could make her do other things ridiculously
I pray she heeds her parent’s advice
So that she blooms with the right kinds of spice
I pray she is simple and down-to-earth
So that I could impress her with the beauty of this earth
I pray she is just as idealistic as me
So that our minds could meet and forever be
I pray she wears the thick eyebrows, smart eyes, million dollar smile
So that I could add life and sense into my guile
I pray she is silently praying for love, though she denies it
So that I could find out how perfect we were supposed to...
I'm out of words
For I know she has no use for words
She'd rather feel my deeds, not the way I avoid her looks, her charms, her incense
She'd rather enjoy my presence, and that my absence is worth thinking of
She'd rather see me smile and not suffer longing for her for to her it is a matter of time
A matter of time before our worlds meet
Our ends reconcile
Our differences embrace unity
Our similarities conquer fear and doubt
And should this playful world think otherwise about us
It would be a loss, but not a source of despair
It would be a tragedy, but not broken harmony
It would be a catastrophe, but not a drift
For at the end of the day, I know she believes that
Love is not game of ranks
It is not filling the blanks
It is not replacing first option with second
It is not about the cars and hazelnut almonds
May God continually inspire us even through the smallest and negligible of life events!
Patawad sa mga di gaano impressed sa blogs ko, ganito ako pag nadadala ng emotions...no time to think of style and form...only a straightforward address to ease my mind.
And also, do not take my blogs literally, I have this tendency to simply blow it!
Pakasaya kayo peepz, happy summer!
posted by green and black chancellor at 8:52 PM
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