A toast to the bitter man
Make no mistake about it, I am the bitter man. And what's worse than a bitter man? A real bitter day. There is one phrase that will describe how I feel today. That is the feeling of being betrayed. For some reason, that is how I feel today. Betrayed. It just came out of nowhere.
Well okay it did come from somewhere. My theory is: that it just came to me after I heard some bad news about a friend of mine. Nothing bad happened to my friend, she just gave me disappointing news.
It is clear to me that I have no power to influence my friends over certain decisions of theirs. It is apparent that I cannot manipulate their thoughts toward my liking. But at that moment, I wish I had the power. I wish I had enough charisma or appeal in me to make that friend choose something I'd really like for her. Reality is, I could not. Reality is, I have nothing much to offer outside my own product, or my own words. If there's one of few things business and love have in common, it is this: players can not mess with some other person's free will, ideally.
Some people, they just have this ability to change the environs and force people or convince them to go contrary to convention. Me, I rely on rhetoric. Sometimes I wish I was this dude in a Nissan X-trail driving to school wearing fitting shirt and slick jeans with matching shades. The dude who reaches for his trendy phone and then grabs his car alarm and the car does that "doot doot" sound. I wish that at times...be glamor boy, and have enough brains and heart to spill over girls out there.
Case is, I am not Mr. Perfect. I lack on some things women die for. For one, I have low self-esteem. Two, I'm a simple guy with grand dreams that are hard to understand. Three, well, I'm not a lot of people's type. But it's my problem I guess.
You know that groom in the movie, when it's the wedding seen, then the bride is about to say I do? Then this man in shining armor says he objects. Aww and the lady leaps into his arms. Not much is said about Mr. Poor Bye Bye for his role has ended, there isn't much air time for losers. For variation, you know dating flicks...guy and girl engaged and then after a one night stand, Ms. girl has new perspective on things and dumps mr. long-term relationship for mr. right? Sheesh.
IT IS UNFAIR. Mind you, I am mr.long-term relationship, I am the man waiting for my bride BUT COME TO THINK OF IT, I am not mr. right and am not at all deserving to be a groom for a lot of ladies. THis has nothing to do with how I feel betrayed, it just augments the feeling.
Grace has this feeling that I'm sort of rushing things when it comes to intimate relationships. In more ways than one, that is correct.
Marian comforts herself in knowledge that she might be an old maid and quite bluntly, die alone. In more ways than one, that is incorrect.
But me? I'm the one who gets left out to smile while the world spins so fast and gives me the look as if saying: "Where have you been all this time bucko?"
Selfish. Me talking about me...that's selfish. But a good friend in Rania told me once: "people have bad days". I agree, and I'm having one right now. Isn't it obvious I'm demanding so much attention here? I do not command attention, I demand it sometimes. That's wrong.
Christianity encourages us to set examples and let the people be enlightened by our actions. It's not the other way around where you impose your doctrine on people. RELEVANCE friends.
I am a bitter man. I think I should embrace my childhood pillow, the one I have a wrestling match with every night for the past n-years. I think I should bury my head and cry. But wait, I have no tears to shed. I have to mask my emotions and pretend to be strong more often than not. In 110, sure I was happy. I felt dominant. I felt great. After lunch, I felt weak. I felt humbled. I felt betrayed because one simple bad news. But I could only blame myself.
It's not that this friend of mine meant something more to me than all the rest. It was just the timing of when she said it. I wasn't prepared. But in life, I guess I never was fully prepared. Taking to account the stupidities I have done to have a relationship, you would certainly agree.
Just like I was never prepared to take the plunge and earn a 5 in math 17. You know, bad memories tend to band together more easily than happy thoughts. Actually they do a heck better job.
Tomorrow, I face economics, ps 171 and ps 150. Saturday, I face ps 167 and prod work for Buklod CSSP. Monday, 110 and geog 171. Tuesday, a General Assembly and all the stuff it necessitates. Repeating cycles. Yes, perhaps that's why I feel so low.
I am getting sick and tired of routine. If you have a lot of plans in life, most certainly a year of routine can make you sick and worse, loose your idealism. Too late to complain now.
But if perhaps I imagined myself ten years from now, maybe a teacher of pol sci 180, or a junior ambassador, or someone in UN; it may just be better for Mr. Bitter.
I am slowly giving up on the corruption that is our people. In UP, evident. Everywhere, evident. Truly, is there still room for passion, creativity, ideas, vision, and life itself?
I take a look at the executive summary waiting to be accomplished, I find the answers and smile. God be my witness, for in this world, who can be?
Well okay it did come from somewhere. My theory is: that it just came to me after I heard some bad news about a friend of mine. Nothing bad happened to my friend, she just gave me disappointing news.
It is clear to me that I have no power to influence my friends over certain decisions of theirs. It is apparent that I cannot manipulate their thoughts toward my liking. But at that moment, I wish I had the power. I wish I had enough charisma or appeal in me to make that friend choose something I'd really like for her. Reality is, I could not. Reality is, I have nothing much to offer outside my own product, or my own words. If there's one of few things business and love have in common, it is this: players can not mess with some other person's free will, ideally.
Some people, they just have this ability to change the environs and force people or convince them to go contrary to convention. Me, I rely on rhetoric. Sometimes I wish I was this dude in a Nissan X-trail driving to school wearing fitting shirt and slick jeans with matching shades. The dude who reaches for his trendy phone and then grabs his car alarm and the car does that "doot doot" sound. I wish that at times...be glamor boy, and have enough brains and heart to spill over girls out there.
Case is, I am not Mr. Perfect. I lack on some things women die for. For one, I have low self-esteem. Two, I'm a simple guy with grand dreams that are hard to understand. Three, well, I'm not a lot of people's type. But it's my problem I guess.
You know that groom in the movie, when it's the wedding seen, then the bride is about to say I do? Then this man in shining armor says he objects. Aww and the lady leaps into his arms. Not much is said about Mr. Poor Bye Bye for his role has ended, there isn't much air time for losers. For variation, you know dating flicks...guy and girl engaged and then after a one night stand, Ms. girl has new perspective on things and dumps mr. long-term relationship for mr. right? Sheesh.
IT IS UNFAIR. Mind you, I am mr.long-term relationship, I am the man waiting for my bride BUT COME TO THINK OF IT, I am not mr. right and am not at all deserving to be a groom for a lot of ladies. THis has nothing to do with how I feel betrayed, it just augments the feeling.
Grace has this feeling that I'm sort of rushing things when it comes to intimate relationships. In more ways than one, that is correct.
Marian comforts herself in knowledge that she might be an old maid and quite bluntly, die alone. In more ways than one, that is incorrect.
But me? I'm the one who gets left out to smile while the world spins so fast and gives me the look as if saying: "Where have you been all this time bucko?"
Selfish. Me talking about me...that's selfish. But a good friend in Rania told me once: "people have bad days". I agree, and I'm having one right now. Isn't it obvious I'm demanding so much attention here? I do not command attention, I demand it sometimes. That's wrong.
Christianity encourages us to set examples and let the people be enlightened by our actions. It's not the other way around where you impose your doctrine on people. RELEVANCE friends.
I am a bitter man. I think I should embrace my childhood pillow, the one I have a wrestling match with every night for the past n-years. I think I should bury my head and cry. But wait, I have no tears to shed. I have to mask my emotions and pretend to be strong more often than not. In 110, sure I was happy. I felt dominant. I felt great. After lunch, I felt weak. I felt humbled. I felt betrayed because one simple bad news. But I could only blame myself.
It's not that this friend of mine meant something more to me than all the rest. It was just the timing of when she said it. I wasn't prepared. But in life, I guess I never was fully prepared. Taking to account the stupidities I have done to have a relationship, you would certainly agree.
Just like I was never prepared to take the plunge and earn a 5 in math 17. You know, bad memories tend to band together more easily than happy thoughts. Actually they do a heck better job.
Tomorrow, I face economics, ps 171 and ps 150. Saturday, I face ps 167 and prod work for Buklod CSSP. Monday, 110 and geog 171. Tuesday, a General Assembly and all the stuff it necessitates. Repeating cycles. Yes, perhaps that's why I feel so low.
I am getting sick and tired of routine. If you have a lot of plans in life, most certainly a year of routine can make you sick and worse, loose your idealism. Too late to complain now.
But if perhaps I imagined myself ten years from now, maybe a teacher of pol sci 180, or a junior ambassador, or someone in UN; it may just be better for Mr. Bitter.
I am slowly giving up on the corruption that is our people. In UP, evident. Everywhere, evident. Truly, is there still room for passion, creativity, ideas, vision, and life itself?
I take a look at the executive summary waiting to be accomplished, I find the answers and smile. God be my witness, for in this world, who can be?
posted by green and black chancellor at 9:17 PM
1 Comments:
we cause what happens to us- and if we keep behaving the same way, we keep getting the same reults.
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