Dancing in the dark

Hold off on making up your mind about someone until you have all the facts -- remember, facts, not conjecture -- about them in place. This relationship is far too valuable to toss just on some hearsay.---galing sa Friendster horoscope...I don't know what to say...ewan lang talaga...

I've never in my recent life ever wanted to listen to Bruce Springsteen. When I was a child of course I had no choice but dig the music my parents frequently listened to---no wonder I sill like the Beatles, Bee Gees, and hmm...the Cascades and Critters. You guys should here the Critters track titled "dyingly sad". Going back to Bruce, after hearing his unbelievably smooth vocals in that one song entitled "dancing in the dark", I immediately had to rethink my opinion on the rock and roll legend.

I received another testimonial from a familiar face, happens to be one of my closer friends from high school, implying that I should not try to fit in the crowd, but instead be myself and stand out.

A discussion on this matter will take me to circular argumentation, using abstract terms as my variables, and addressing the moral dimension of things---all three, thanks to 110 are rather inadmissible but still of use in the empirical studies and the search for what is true.

So, instead of laboring on a subject matter that may just as well be an attempt to shoot for the curvature of the moon, I shift my attention to the other less pressing question in life: WHAT IF?

I'd like to bring back several elements of my personality that I'd like to think were simply lost from my moral fabric rather than lost completely. In other words, I deliberately hid some things about me that I now long for.

This is not an appeal to the senses or a plea for salvation, this is more or less a declaration of what I am beneath the skin. Yes, I am total agreement with the suggestion that I should not try so hard to be part of the mainstream---doing what many do, living the life others usually envision for themselves. But I add that I am not an island, and at times, it becomes more than necessary to share the same boat---sinking or not. See the battle of cliches and principles here? No wonder some go on with their life subscribing to nothing, the very pragmatist doomsday of thinking of men cometh as it were.

But that's for serious discussion, am on the other hand, more than smiling today: how come? Maybe I inhaled laughing gas from the diesel, maybe I saw the faramones, maybe I just had enough of being sick and serious that perhaps I realized that I could only go up...up...and away.

So here is a rundown of several things I would like to be doing or at least be capable of doing again:

1. Look a girl in the eye and have no feeling that the girl has an untoward suspicion about me imagining her and me together. Huh? Look a girl straight in the eye like a friend and that woman won't return the favor with much doubt about your intentions. It's just a get up and leave it alone thing we guys have.

2. Sing in the rain. I COMPLETELY MISS bathing in the rain, let alone singing. Now, this is a rather unpleasant sight wherein you have neighbors in their high walls looking down while you strut a crazy note or two. I made sure when I was a kid that I at least for two times in a year experienced the drizzle and what freedom it gave me. Truly, it was a liberating moment. Not to mention it helps expand your diaphragm.

3. Being class president. Haha, now this is ego-feeding at its best! No kidding, I miss detaining class officers for a meeting to escape haircut inspection;not that I had long hair (I always have an army-cut), but that it was time consuming to stand there waiting in line while the prefect did nothing but chew gum or give out detention slips. That's only the beginning. I miss the thrill of organizing the class, the satisfaction you get when your party goes well, academic standings reach an all-time high, winning the altar-making contest because you had more gays than the other class...the thrill of it. Not that I don't see it in college organizations I am in; it's just the youthful feeling of command you have. Now, being execom of certain orgs, it's a far more serious ball game.

4. Experimenting with shampoos and food. I like mixing things up and then trying them. So I put Milo or Ovaltine in my rice, add butter as a side dish, or cook noodles and bombard it with condiments...and yes place more eggs than I can take sunny side up. Shampoo is another thing.

5. Watching cartoons. Yes, cartoons made me shed a tear or two : the time when voltes five used the killer sword, or when shaider would prevail, when sesame street puppets made that group hug...putcha ayoko na.

Speaking of crying, kanina asa fx ako nag-aantay mapuno dun sa pila. E may katapat ako, halos katapat pala na babae...mukhang freshie na di mapalagay. Dinadaan-daanan ko ng tingin ng biglang nag-burst into tears. Kanina pa pala siya nag-aantay makaalis...ewan siguro galing siya sa org meeting or app thing tapos nabalitaang may emergency...that type. Sobrang awang awa na ako kasi pinupukpok na nya yung bag nya...para talaga siyang nahihibang, toying with her hair and giving an extremely worried stare. Iniisip ko noon, bayaran ko na yung natitirang seat para lumarga na kami...kasi parang kulang na transpo pambayad nung girl para sa isa pang fifteen peso discharge. Nag-antay ako ng dalawang minuto...di ko alam pero asar na talaga ako sa sarili ko, hysterical na yung babae e. E tila tulala naman yung mga tao sa paligid, yung sanay na makatagal sa mga ganoong pakiramdam ng kapwa nila...namanhid na o nagkikimkim din ng awa. To make it short, eventually bumyahe na kami...di naman ako napagastos tapos yung girl talaga sobrang relieved..lam nyo yun parang batang nabunutan ng ipin.

Naasar talaga ako sa sarili ko. Asan na ang gentleman ngayon? Asan na. Kasi lahat naman ng PR skills mo alang silbe, lahat ng accalades alang magagawa kung ni isang kawawang babae di mo man lang matignan, matulungan man lang....sumabog talaga puso ko, sobra...nung bumaba na at nagtatakbo yung babae, sinundan ko talaga ng tingin..sobrang guilt... I should have paid for the last seat, saved her two minutes of crying and went on with our separate lives....thing is, baka makita ko sa peyups to...awwww.

6. My heart skipping a bit. Now, I have to admit that I'm that picky when it comes to crushes...specially back then as compared to now when everyone thinks I'm that impulsive or emotional about relationships. Has something to do with being a child I guess. I'm a real ass, even as a youngster. Girls talk to me, invite me to play bahay-bahayan, and I keep my head down, look them in the eye, and then look down without uttering much of a word, Old habits die hard I guess...but when i do find HER>>>MY golly, I know my hear's gonna pound. It happened once, it happened again nothing much happened and I'm glad I kept it that way...how foolish and selfish of me to be so consumed with my wants and needs.

7. Bugging my mom to buy me toys. now I have a new definition of a TOY, but due to the price of these toys, bugging my mom has become such a task. Speaking of toys, I have this collection of action figures that I really want to increase in number...not much of a collector. By the way, playing with toys helped me become the speaker that I am big time...I mean forget the speaker's training, if I didn't have play time...go figure.

I just want people around me to smile and feel good about themselves kaya nga kanina just to start a conversation or at minimum, make them smile kahit pilit.

Sabi ko sa kanila:
Kay Louie: I like your hair!
Celine: HELLO!
Farrah: Oh, musta naman tayo diyan? ....tama ba naman tumakbo sa ulan?!
Grai: Hello grai (in a very manly fashion)
Mau: (I give her the innocent smile)
Rania: (gave her a long congratulations message and then some)
Mica: HELLO!
Dom: (he greeted me)
Sherwin: HELLO!
Mayette: (a candid smile)

and the list goes on...God grant you words far better than my creations.

Last thing: I wonder how do people texting really look like when they put the smiley faces in their messages...pilit kaya..delikadesa kaya...o talgang all smiles sila? Hmmm.