Darkness Becomes Me (extended)
Guess where in the world I am right now? Am right here sa bagong mall na isang dipa lang (syempre exagg) ang layo from our village. Am here sa Rock Island Net Cafe, sobrang sosi ang ambience in fairness. Giniginaw na nga ako e, pero sobra sulit young high rates. Ang bilis ng net. Ang lamig. Ang hospitable pa ng mga personnel..and that makes it all worthit.
for Batangan gusto ko rin i-plug yung Katipunan Student Hub. Ang ganda nya pwamis. Sarap mag-concentrate...magnilay-nilay at gumawa ng milagro....sa buhay mo!
Kanonood ko lang ng sine rito (sa bagong mini mall)kagabi. War of the Worlds to be specific. How was it? Typical ang story, a remake of an H.G. Wells classic. The theme tells of aliens invading the world as part of one big extermination scheme. I could not believe in how good Tom Cruise could carry a movie. Alam ko, elibs naman talaga ako sa acting niya pero ngayon ko lang na realize na Oscar caliber to contrary sa belief na boy next door lang ang image niya. The experience? Mega heavy. Yun lang. Bitin ang ending pero the rest? Edge-of-your-seats heavy! =0
Isang tao ang nais ko bigyang papuri at this juncture---at yan ay si Ms. Rania Joya. As in, tiniyaga (ang baho pakinggan) niya ako kagabi. Nagpapalitan kami ng kuro-kuro the whole time about movies and preferences. Salamat Rania. Salamat at dinamayan mo nanaman ang nonsensical self ko. Hehe...and yes, I do believe may home theater ka sa bahay....Oh, and one thing...panoorin mo na yung Batman..SA SINEHAN!
But let's not dive into these matters shall we.
Iibahin ko lang ang tono ng blog na to.
I never ever in my wildest imagination thought of this moment. What be this moment? The time when I'd have the burden of talking about dreadful bad Fridays back to back.
Yes. I already have two consecutive real outright bad Fridays (in my UP life) under my belt. Last week, it was about being unwanted...so unwanted that the product, the blog before this, came in complete Filipino...and the subject matter was so deep for me. =(
This week. Darkness. All I saw yesterday was darkness. It is slowly but surely wearing off. But the experience was really something I would consider as hellbent.
Dun sa mga di ako ma-gets kahapon...pasensya.
It started with Thursday...it always does. Kinakarir ko yung PS 150. In between moments of info overload, I would at random text people about anything under the sun. That was "Kulang Nanaman sa Pansin si Pao" Version 2.0. I guess I have this knack for texting people or checking them out uneccesarily at times. But that is me.
Real bad thing about this habit of mine is that it turns people off. IT TURNED HER OFF. It turned another friend of mine off...so much so she confronted me...well dahil I instigated the dialogue in the first place. "Corny na Pao.", she said with a mellowexclamatory tone. Mellow dahil andun yung concern nya parang nagtatanong "Pao...okay ka lang?" At exclamatory dahil andun yung emphasis na: "Kung anuman issues mo Pao...wag mo muna ako idamay...please."
Pati si Celine nadamay. Sorry, nagpaparty pala kayo. But I more than agree with your opinion.
Si Farrah rin.
And Mau...thanks..that's the least I can do for you at this time. Best wishes!
Grabe I feel na na-offend ko si Farrah. At pati kayong lahat. I have nothing to show for. I am a burden. I am a piece of paranoid shit...yun lang.
Hope it makes any detractor feel happy. At times..I feel like shit.
Para akong si Will (Hugh Grant) mula dun sa ABout a Boy. There's this scene where he dates the woman of his dreams (Rachel Weisz ?). He so wanted to make an impression and win her heart. But he had a problem. He had nothing more to say. His life was that of a bachelor...empty and plain.
That's whayt I fear. To tell people that I am but a plain book of complexities as I would love to see as such. If there's anything that complicates my life even more...it is a moment with a friend or someone of your dreams.
The metaphor to the green and black chancellor is clear cut. He leads a mere ordinary life of tough responsibilities...he is in search of color. Whenever he sees color, he pounces on it.
Just as when I see, for lack of a better word, a prospect...and I feel that the x-factor is just there (this in my life has happened only twice...that's how picky I am...or at least I think myself to be) I go on the attack.
I am a predictable person...gullible...pathetic. But it's me! I can hate myself or live with it. I choose to live. Although this blog may come as an expression of depression, I'd rather have you think of it as a gateway to my inner self.
I know, a lot of men are not this open...makes you think, what's wrong? Why am I so expressive. Is it because I am repressive? too serious? God forbid.
Pero wala akong magawa...nasa sistema ko na e. Ganito ako ka-open sa mga kaibigan ko. Talking too much has brought me to trouble's claws...even the near grip of death. BUt I'd rather speak my mind with caution than do nothing about it at all.
Ayoko maging magdrama. And I would gladly challenge anyone who irresponsibly brands me with MADRAMA. Emotional...yes. Drama king? NO. I'm sorry if I put too much rhetoric on my messages. What I am not sorry for is my being proper and even ethical. I'm sorry if I just couldn't help but smile at times. What I cannot be sorry for is thinking of you guys over and over. I love those who I love. And I will do everything in my power to defend them. Cause that makes all the sense in the world to me...is this all a battle for sense? If I am senseless...than don't bother.
Darkness clouded me.
Isa pang first. I took my PS 150 exam with a handicap. Buong araw nananakit ulo ko. Ang tiyan ko..ewan grumbling kahit busog...gas I guess. Pero yung ulo ko grabe.
Thank God medyo confident naman ako..come to think of it, no choice diba?
Sorry ulit celine at sa friend mo...di talaga ako nagsasalita sa econ..in fact natulog ako...muntikan na nga ako umabsent sa disc. Pailalim tingin ko nung umaga. Nag-recitation sa PS171... wala...sabog ideas ko...di ko ma-defend ang office of the President ng US the way I planned to...sana di nahalata.
Pailalim talaga tingin ko. Parang puputok ulo ko. Asar pa ako. Woke up in the wrong side of the bed.
HINDI ako NAGDRADRAMA. Masakit ang ulo ko...and besides...it does me no pleasure to make gestures and faces that only stress out my beautiful face...nyaknya!
Please understand my shallow being.
Tinitignan ko katawan ko kanina sa harapan ng salamin. Sumagi sa isip ko yung line sa isang movie sa HBO..adaptation ng Dr. jekyle and Mr. Hyde: "Love me. Love me! Why can't you love me?"...as Mr. Hyde subdued the helpless woman.
Naghahanap ako ng angulo para sa Friendster pic. Haha. Pinapangako ko talaga...I'll set the bar and lose weight..bagong krusada for a change. This summer.. I'd really bench, treadmill, do basketball again, lift weights, and learn something not expected for me to do.
By the way, napansin niyo..brush down buhok ko? Thanks Gatsby. Julius Caesar look!
Darkness.
Please pray for my mom who's recovering from a minor operation. Any operation to me is major when it comes to those I care about. Although tapos na at successful...It'd be of help if you are still to saya prayer. I love my mom. IN her absence, I regretfully realize this.
I don't talk much about my family...I think this is one of a few areas of my life I am in no position to talk much about...or at least I think that way.
I will not end this blog on another of my deep versions of poetic justice. I do want to leave you all guys with this:
astig si Batman
masarap ang kambing, mataas ang dingding, at siya'y tumataginting!
figure out the figurative ;)
God bless!
for Batangan gusto ko rin i-plug yung Katipunan Student Hub. Ang ganda nya pwamis. Sarap mag-concentrate...magnilay-nilay at gumawa ng milagro....sa buhay mo!
Kanonood ko lang ng sine rito (sa bagong mini mall)kagabi. War of the Worlds to be specific. How was it? Typical ang story, a remake of an H.G. Wells classic. The theme tells of aliens invading the world as part of one big extermination scheme. I could not believe in how good Tom Cruise could carry a movie. Alam ko, elibs naman talaga ako sa acting niya pero ngayon ko lang na realize na Oscar caliber to contrary sa belief na boy next door lang ang image niya. The experience? Mega heavy. Yun lang. Bitin ang ending pero the rest? Edge-of-your-seats heavy! =0
Isang tao ang nais ko bigyang papuri at this juncture---at yan ay si Ms. Rania Joya. As in, tiniyaga (ang baho pakinggan) niya ako kagabi. Nagpapalitan kami ng kuro-kuro the whole time about movies and preferences. Salamat Rania. Salamat at dinamayan mo nanaman ang nonsensical self ko. Hehe...and yes, I do believe may home theater ka sa bahay....Oh, and one thing...panoorin mo na yung Batman..SA SINEHAN!
But let's not dive into these matters shall we.
Iibahin ko lang ang tono ng blog na to.
I never ever in my wildest imagination thought of this moment. What be this moment? The time when I'd have the burden of talking about dreadful bad Fridays back to back.
Yes. I already have two consecutive real outright bad Fridays (in my UP life) under my belt. Last week, it was about being unwanted...so unwanted that the product, the blog before this, came in complete Filipino...and the subject matter was so deep for me. =(
This week. Darkness. All I saw yesterday was darkness. It is slowly but surely wearing off. But the experience was really something I would consider as hellbent.
Dun sa mga di ako ma-gets kahapon...pasensya.
It started with Thursday...it always does. Kinakarir ko yung PS 150. In between moments of info overload, I would at random text people about anything under the sun. That was "Kulang Nanaman sa Pansin si Pao" Version 2.0. I guess I have this knack for texting people or checking them out uneccesarily at times. But that is me.
Real bad thing about this habit of mine is that it turns people off. IT TURNED HER OFF. It turned another friend of mine off...so much so she confronted me...well dahil I instigated the dialogue in the first place. "Corny na Pao.", she said with a mellowexclamatory tone. Mellow dahil andun yung concern nya parang nagtatanong "Pao...okay ka lang?" At exclamatory dahil andun yung emphasis na: "Kung anuman issues mo Pao...wag mo muna ako idamay...please."
Pati si Celine nadamay. Sorry, nagpaparty pala kayo. But I more than agree with your opinion.
Si Farrah rin.
And Mau...thanks..that's the least I can do for you at this time. Best wishes!
Grabe I feel na na-offend ko si Farrah. At pati kayong lahat. I have nothing to show for. I am a burden. I am a piece of paranoid shit...yun lang.
Hope it makes any detractor feel happy. At times..I feel like shit.
Para akong si Will (Hugh Grant) mula dun sa ABout a Boy. There's this scene where he dates the woman of his dreams (Rachel Weisz ?). He so wanted to make an impression and win her heart. But he had a problem. He had nothing more to say. His life was that of a bachelor...empty and plain.
That's whayt I fear. To tell people that I am but a plain book of complexities as I would love to see as such. If there's anything that complicates my life even more...it is a moment with a friend or someone of your dreams.
The metaphor to the green and black chancellor is clear cut. He leads a mere ordinary life of tough responsibilities...he is in search of color. Whenever he sees color, he pounces on it.
Just as when I see, for lack of a better word, a prospect...and I feel that the x-factor is just there (this in my life has happened only twice...that's how picky I am...or at least I think myself to be) I go on the attack.
I am a predictable person...gullible...pathetic. But it's me! I can hate myself or live with it. I choose to live. Although this blog may come as an expression of depression, I'd rather have you think of it as a gateway to my inner self.
I know, a lot of men are not this open...makes you think, what's wrong? Why am I so expressive. Is it because I am repressive? too serious? God forbid.
Pero wala akong magawa...nasa sistema ko na e. Ganito ako ka-open sa mga kaibigan ko. Talking too much has brought me to trouble's claws...even the near grip of death. BUt I'd rather speak my mind with caution than do nothing about it at all.
Ayoko maging magdrama. And I would gladly challenge anyone who irresponsibly brands me with MADRAMA. Emotional...yes. Drama king? NO. I'm sorry if I put too much rhetoric on my messages. What I am not sorry for is my being proper and even ethical. I'm sorry if I just couldn't help but smile at times. What I cannot be sorry for is thinking of you guys over and over. I love those who I love. And I will do everything in my power to defend them. Cause that makes all the sense in the world to me...is this all a battle for sense? If I am senseless...than don't bother.
Darkness clouded me.
Isa pang first. I took my PS 150 exam with a handicap. Buong araw nananakit ulo ko. Ang tiyan ko..ewan grumbling kahit busog...gas I guess. Pero yung ulo ko grabe.
Thank God medyo confident naman ako..come to think of it, no choice diba?
Sorry ulit celine at sa friend mo...di talaga ako nagsasalita sa econ..in fact natulog ako...muntikan na nga ako umabsent sa disc. Pailalim tingin ko nung umaga. Nag-recitation sa PS171... wala...sabog ideas ko...di ko ma-defend ang office of the President ng US the way I planned to...sana di nahalata.
Pailalim talaga tingin ko. Parang puputok ulo ko. Asar pa ako. Woke up in the wrong side of the bed.
HINDI ako NAGDRADRAMA. Masakit ang ulo ko...and besides...it does me no pleasure to make gestures and faces that only stress out my beautiful face...nyaknya!
Please understand my shallow being.
Tinitignan ko katawan ko kanina sa harapan ng salamin. Sumagi sa isip ko yung line sa isang movie sa HBO..adaptation ng Dr. jekyle and Mr. Hyde: "Love me. Love me! Why can't you love me?"...as Mr. Hyde subdued the helpless woman.
Naghahanap ako ng angulo para sa Friendster pic. Haha. Pinapangako ko talaga...I'll set the bar and lose weight..bagong krusada for a change. This summer.. I'd really bench, treadmill, do basketball again, lift weights, and learn something not expected for me to do.
By the way, napansin niyo..brush down buhok ko? Thanks Gatsby. Julius Caesar look!
Darkness.
Please pray for my mom who's recovering from a minor operation. Any operation to me is major when it comes to those I care about. Although tapos na at successful...It'd be of help if you are still to saya prayer. I love my mom. IN her absence, I regretfully realize this.
I don't talk much about my family...I think this is one of a few areas of my life I am in no position to talk much about...or at least I think that way.
I will not end this blog on another of my deep versions of poetic justice. I do want to leave you all guys with this:
astig si Batman
masarap ang kambing, mataas ang dingding, at siya'y tumataginting!
figure out the figurative ;)
God bless!
posted by green and black chancellor at 10:12 AM
2 Comments:
pao!
nyay... don't eat yourself up with that kind of thinking!
think about it this way: everyone has their bad days... or days when they don't feel particularly talkative or sociable... well, days that they just get up from the wrong side of the bed.
would you blame yourself if the people around you were having a bad day? kaw naman. =)
o, ngiti ka na jan!
lahat tayo may bad days. hindi ko akalain bad day ka pala nung Friday, eh ang laki ng smile mo sa mukha. and you kept on smiling nung PS171. so, keep smiling, keep shining... ehehe...kumanta ba daw?
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