At eto ang pamatay
I feel so unwanted today. Eto ang araw na tipong gusto ko tumalon sa swimming pool dyan sa kabilang bahay at magpalutang-lutang na parang salbabida.
Asar ako ngayon. Ganun. Nagpapantig ang tenga ko. I could not daydream my future. All I could think of is frustration...of people and events that have led me to this low state.
Eto ang araw na kung saan di ako makita ng prof na nasa harapan ko na para tawagin. Atat nanaman ako as always mag-recite. Andyan naman ang eye contact. Andyan naman ang "da moves" na usually gumagana naman at awa ng Diyos may sense naman mga sagot ko. Pero kanina...nooohh...isa akong alikabok sa harapan nya. Anlaking alikabok!
Eto ang araw na tinamaan nanaman ako ng LBM...ewan baka kabag lang yun. Pero nagtiis ako at di kumain. Dumating kani-kanina lang tita ko para sabhin: "Paolo pumayat ka ata!" Gustong-gusto ko marinig yun kc kahit kapirampot na effort ay may nakakapansin e...pero ang konteksto may LBM ako at di pa kumakain buong araw!!!!
Ang bawi: May pang-nood na ako ng War of the Worlds...nyehehehe
Eto ang araw na wala ako marinig sa radyo kundi pang-LSS na kanta. Papunta ng Pey-ups bigla ka ba naman birahan ng...: But If you leave me now...you take away the greatest part of me....wooohooo no baby please don't go!....
At eto maya-maya pauwi sa gitna ng trapik sa Riverbanks may hihirit naman ng: Are you gonna stay with the one who loves you? Or are you coming back to the one you love? Someone's gonna cry when he knows he's lost you. Someone's gonna thank the stars above....(and then that seductive saxophone plays a sexy tune)
Pero hindi yun e. Eto ang araw na pakiramdam mo wala akong kaibigan. Exaggerated to syempre pero...Nasira talaga araw ko nung malaman ko na meron akong isang kaibigan na ngayon pala ay sinisiraan ako for whatever reason na sana naman ay hindi inggit. At kung inggit...harapin mo ako...kahit nga inde...pag-usapan natin. Ayoko na mandigma...okay? Good boy.
MAWALA NA SANA ANG MGA KABABAWAN SA MUNDONG IBABAW! GOD END THE MADNESS!!!
&*!&#)(!)@($%%^!!!!! ANO KALA MO SA AKIN, GUNGGONG?! AT ANO TINGIN MO SA ORGANISASYON MO...SOSYAL? MAGALING? PAG-ASA NG BANSA?!
KUNG YAN LANG ANG BATAYAN MO SA BUHAY AT GANYAN MO IPAGTANGGOL PINANINIWALAAN MO, KAAWAAN NA TAYO NG DIYOS...TEKA SANA NAMAN MAY DIYOS KA PA.
Puwede ba ang kababawan...wag naman kasing sama ng kababawan ko!
Haayyy...naka-release.
Guess what? Sa Friendster...naka-full bar lahat sa energy meter ko!!! Grabe samantalang gumagapang na ako dito. Wow sabi ko talgang totoo ang mga hula...and by the way isang capricorn na wow ang perfect daw ng day (as in ting ting nakatutok sa langit ang green pointer ng friendship meter) namin together ay pilit ba naman iwasan ang tingin ko kanina as if isa akong threat. Wow, tumpak nanaman ang hula! Kainis...kakainis...kaka. Hehehehe!
All my blogs tend to point the finger on me, me, and me again. Guess what? This day taught me to hate me, me and then me. I feel so drenched that all my self-confidence is flushed with the raindrops. I feel so unwanted that trust becomes a diminishing concept of the disillusioned.
I need to pray for some people I tend to neglect and have neglected. I take full responsibility for this person's (and whatever org he represents) actions.
Same is true to those friends I feel are cold towards me nowadays. I pray I find more time for you as to clear up some things. But I appeal to your mercy that you not take my absence as reason to say that I betrayed you or my over-concern to say that I wanted something more than friendship.
If only I have time. If only I have more than what I have. But alas, this is not how God deals with such matters.
I have to cut this blog short...as I read through this entry I only see much angst that should be directed at particular individuals. But I dare not for I know these things take time.
I just feel so evil..kita nyo nag-Iingles na ako?
There are just some prevailing trends and norms that I find disappointing for such beings as us to come up with and enjoy...take U.P. for example.
So before I become the Hulk, I'd like to sip some ice water and vanish...yesh disappear...I think I've been spread so thinly I end up as none-existent. I want to please so many people...specially those who don't find the time and reason to read these blogs of mine and those of my other dear friends...but I can't.
The fatal flaw in this blog is the numerous mention of the word I. Perhaps I've been talking too much about me. I should shut up and listen more. But some people now don't wanna talk coz they think I'm soooo deep....now that's a dilemma I created.
In empty glimpses I see nothingness. In smiles that only mean to touch my heart for such a short time...I find remorse not joy. In attention that is demanded and not earned I find myself yearning for more but those who give it tend to push away...my emptiness...my solitude...my pandora...I have to quel...But few understand me...and those who do...they keep their hands off ever without hesitation as if I were a risk...and that risk might hurt them in the end...so why bother? What am I?
Against my anger I heed Tony Blair's words (in his EU Speech) telling me that: Ideals stand the test of change. But ideals fail in the inertia of challenges.
Forgive me people...lasing lang ako sa iced tea at bitter. ;)
Asar ako ngayon. Ganun. Nagpapantig ang tenga ko. I could not daydream my future. All I could think of is frustration...of people and events that have led me to this low state.
Eto ang araw na kung saan di ako makita ng prof na nasa harapan ko na para tawagin. Atat nanaman ako as always mag-recite. Andyan naman ang eye contact. Andyan naman ang "da moves" na usually gumagana naman at awa ng Diyos may sense naman mga sagot ko. Pero kanina...nooohh...isa akong alikabok sa harapan nya. Anlaking alikabok!
Eto ang araw na tinamaan nanaman ako ng LBM...ewan baka kabag lang yun. Pero nagtiis ako at di kumain. Dumating kani-kanina lang tita ko para sabhin: "Paolo pumayat ka ata!" Gustong-gusto ko marinig yun kc kahit kapirampot na effort ay may nakakapansin e...pero ang konteksto may LBM ako at di pa kumakain buong araw!!!!
Ang bawi: May pang-nood na ako ng War of the Worlds...nyehehehe
Eto ang araw na wala ako marinig sa radyo kundi pang-LSS na kanta. Papunta ng Pey-ups bigla ka ba naman birahan ng...: But If you leave me now...you take away the greatest part of me....wooohooo no baby please don't go!....
At eto maya-maya pauwi sa gitna ng trapik sa Riverbanks may hihirit naman ng: Are you gonna stay with the one who loves you? Or are you coming back to the one you love? Someone's gonna cry when he knows he's lost you. Someone's gonna thank the stars above....(and then that seductive saxophone plays a sexy tune)
Pero hindi yun e. Eto ang araw na pakiramdam mo wala akong kaibigan. Exaggerated to syempre pero...Nasira talaga araw ko nung malaman ko na meron akong isang kaibigan na ngayon pala ay sinisiraan ako for whatever reason na sana naman ay hindi inggit. At kung inggit...harapin mo ako...kahit nga inde...pag-usapan natin. Ayoko na mandigma...okay? Good boy.
MAWALA NA SANA ANG MGA KABABAWAN SA MUNDONG IBABAW! GOD END THE MADNESS!!!
&*!&#)(!)@($%%^!!!!! ANO KALA MO SA AKIN, GUNGGONG?! AT ANO TINGIN MO SA ORGANISASYON MO...SOSYAL? MAGALING? PAG-ASA NG BANSA?!
KUNG YAN LANG ANG BATAYAN MO SA BUHAY AT GANYAN MO IPAGTANGGOL PINANINIWALAAN MO, KAAWAAN NA TAYO NG DIYOS...TEKA SANA NAMAN MAY DIYOS KA PA.
Puwede ba ang kababawan...wag naman kasing sama ng kababawan ko!
Haayyy...naka-release.
Guess what? Sa Friendster...naka-full bar lahat sa energy meter ko!!! Grabe samantalang gumagapang na ako dito. Wow sabi ko talgang totoo ang mga hula...and by the way isang capricorn na wow ang perfect daw ng day (as in ting ting nakatutok sa langit ang green pointer ng friendship meter) namin together ay pilit ba naman iwasan ang tingin ko kanina as if isa akong threat. Wow, tumpak nanaman ang hula! Kainis...kakainis...kaka. Hehehehe!
All my blogs tend to point the finger on me, me, and me again. Guess what? This day taught me to hate me, me and then me. I feel so drenched that all my self-confidence is flushed with the raindrops. I feel so unwanted that trust becomes a diminishing concept of the disillusioned.
I need to pray for some people I tend to neglect and have neglected. I take full responsibility for this person's (and whatever org he represents) actions.
Same is true to those friends I feel are cold towards me nowadays. I pray I find more time for you as to clear up some things. But I appeal to your mercy that you not take my absence as reason to say that I betrayed you or my over-concern to say that I wanted something more than friendship.
If only I have time. If only I have more than what I have. But alas, this is not how God deals with such matters.
I have to cut this blog short...as I read through this entry I only see much angst that should be directed at particular individuals. But I dare not for I know these things take time.
I just feel so evil..kita nyo nag-Iingles na ako?
There are just some prevailing trends and norms that I find disappointing for such beings as us to come up with and enjoy...take U.P. for example.
So before I become the Hulk, I'd like to sip some ice water and vanish...yesh disappear...I think I've been spread so thinly I end up as none-existent. I want to please so many people...specially those who don't find the time and reason to read these blogs of mine and those of my other dear friends...but I can't.
The fatal flaw in this blog is the numerous mention of the word I. Perhaps I've been talking too much about me. I should shut up and listen more. But some people now don't wanna talk coz they think I'm soooo deep....now that's a dilemma I created.
In empty glimpses I see nothingness. In smiles that only mean to touch my heart for such a short time...I find remorse not joy. In attention that is demanded and not earned I find myself yearning for more but those who give it tend to push away...my emptiness...my solitude...my pandora...I have to quel...But few understand me...and those who do...they keep their hands off ever without hesitation as if I were a risk...and that risk might hurt them in the end...so why bother? What am I?
Against my anger I heed Tony Blair's words (in his EU Speech) telling me that: Ideals stand the test of change. But ideals fail in the inertia of challenges.
Forgive me people...lasing lang ako sa iced tea at bitter. ;)
posted by green and black chancellor at 11:26 PM
1 Comments:
pao...
i think i'm missing something. ^_^; hey, if you need anything, i'm right here!
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