The farther that I fly (part 3)

Pa-juliet-juliet, that's what they call it in gay lingo. One anomaly turned mainstream in my language, I'm beginning to appreciate as something I use to make me feel a bit light-headed and hopeful.

Convulations...

I have been a pa-juliet-juliet maniac the past months pre-occupied with some things beyond others I should give my due.

There has to be a point when you should stop, to quit, to pull back, and reprimand yourself everytime you entertain anything pertaining to it.

Because putting a stopper to all your thinking is the best way to guarantee not only your existence, but also your sanity.

And so I have, I believe.

I could have lost a lot should I have pursued for that something couple of months back. A friend who had stakes in this game pulled me back.

With all these remnants of emotions past, it was up to me to get rid of them.

And so I have, I believe.

2 sms messages. Just 2 for all the good times and the would-have beens.

Just 2 messages in high hopes of getting a message across. Just 2. Lord, just make the last 2 sink in so much so I can be clear of my burden...conscience clean.

I just want to make things the way they were. To my memory, I've done my part. It takes two to tango. Couldn't believe such wanting result to such devastation.

Convulations. My flight is pulled back by gravity to the surface, not hell I hope. What does the green fields of being just alone look like? I felt that in the past months, I was desiring my personal limbo. And in a way, God has brought me back from the death of me to something I pray is something lasting anew.

Or was it God's plan all along? I dare not claim. As far as I know, I'm back on some footing I've not known for sometime. To those who have lost in this decision of mine, I think chance has not gone your way. You had your chances...bottomline.

I piece of something for myself. It's like that last bite of pizza you would not share. It's like that last ant in a long line you water-hosed and spared because...heck it was too spectacular to spray them all dead!

From now, it's a toss up.

Besides, I think the farther that I fly, the less time to think I have for such.

I want to crawl out of this semester.

To think that my academics will be something great would be saying a lot. And if ever I do, I'd be somehow convinced I belong to this university.

Was browsing through tuition fee rates for private universities in the US which specialized in Security Studies (IR). Georgetown, Sir Jamon's recommend, would cause me a million and some couple of hundred thousands a year. Fellowships are not that easy to get...

But God their curriculum is something I could dig my teeth into.

I have to weigh a lot, aside from my body in the coming months.

Ah, my world is spinning round. And as the song goes, I wouldn't change a thing.

For now, I shall gratify myself with good-looking ol pictures of me in Friendster. For now, I shall take a cold bath and wipe my face dry as if erasing every mark of my stupidity in the past.

Regrets? A few. But not for myself really. I guess I still have some confidence and angst to spare...


With this, I think I have gone full circle with this particular flight. Thing is, life is a spiral of circular motions. Things happen over and over again, yet they move forward...hehe reminds me of Toyota...passion road hehehe.

Maybe I should stick to driving on the ground.