Sunshine through the storm clouds
Three basic questions to sum up the major decisions that have altered the course of my life in both big and small ways:
1. If I didn't try, would I have had another chance?
2. If I didn't speak up, would I have had known the answer?
3. If I didn't move, would I have had seen the light piercing throught rain clouds?
Yes, much has happened since my last blog. Kristian was clear to remind me that. Grai was adamant in her call for me to do something about this blog at times. But that is all good. The green and black chancellor over the past months has seen, experienced, and conquered a lot of things about a lot of areas in his young life.
Now, he has eyes that sag in fatigue and are getting weaker in vision, but on account of what he has seen and what those eyes shed, he wouldn't have it any other way. His eyes have gazed upon the meaning of victory and the price of sacrifice. His eyes have shed tears of joy and frustration over the longest struggles in his life. One was for power. The other was for companionship. One was for all the marvels. The other was for one. And yet he does not regret the loss of sight or the fragility anew of his body. He has seen much. He has etched his mark.
If the chancellor did not budge, he would have been a wallflower anew. He would have been a fixture asking what ifs til the days are through. Now, he has his chance, his shot at reaching so many his heart longed to reach. Now, he has comfort in the knowledge that when it comes to having the one for his life, he has to wait further and consider people and existing bonds around him.
To say that this chancellor has changed for the worse is gravely unfounded, a myth of some feeble mind. His gaze remains the same, his heart beats the same blood. He is confined to the solitude cell of his decision. His conviction pushes him to a resolution to all that has been---though that may never come. This chancellor is glad in the undertakings of the recent past and thanks the numerous people who encouraged him to take steps towards a goal---one apparently a success he now enjoys in the company of new and old friends, the other apparently futile due to complications.
I do not enjoy ambiguity. Yet I do not find much joy in detailed shallowness either. It is pointless to argue something that is beyond one's reach. The chancellor acknowledges defeat and moves to strike when the opportune time comes. But that is not now. The other has come.
The chancellor has to choose---whether let the green win him over, the side of him that yearns to be alive and vigorous about the presence of people and events around him. Or whether the black should win him, the side of him that longs to go the extra mile, to work because there is no content, to achieve greatness because it can. He learns it is a balance, and that balance is complemented to by moderation. He has learned how it is to sacrifice personal gain the hard way in face of strangers who cheer him on or those few who critique him. All is jolly and fair in life. All is beautiful. He has endured this and yet he still thinks little of himself. He has nothing much else to offer the world but what he is. To the woman of his heart who, if truth be told, is not clear to him, he has less to offer.
Many of you will never understand what the message of this blog entry conveys. Is this my way of breaking back to blog life? Honestly, I do not know when I will be able to blog again. I am unsure of many things. If people think the way they did before I got here. And where have I gotten to? Nowhere. I am me. I strive in ways that I know and am trained to do. I should.
What is clear to the chancellor is the path ahead. Of mending wounds, of removing scabs, of softening the skin or thickening of the covering for the battles ahead. He has much joy. He sees the sunlight pierce through the storm clouds. The winds of change excites him. The prospect of new surprises perhaps surely for him gives him hope, drives him on.
God be his witness, this man is moving forward in the company of demons and saints.
1. If I didn't try, would I have had another chance?
2. If I didn't speak up, would I have had known the answer?
3. If I didn't move, would I have had seen the light piercing throught rain clouds?
Yes, much has happened since my last blog. Kristian was clear to remind me that. Grai was adamant in her call for me to do something about this blog at times. But that is all good. The green and black chancellor over the past months has seen, experienced, and conquered a lot of things about a lot of areas in his young life.
Now, he has eyes that sag in fatigue and are getting weaker in vision, but on account of what he has seen and what those eyes shed, he wouldn't have it any other way. His eyes have gazed upon the meaning of victory and the price of sacrifice. His eyes have shed tears of joy and frustration over the longest struggles in his life. One was for power. The other was for companionship. One was for all the marvels. The other was for one. And yet he does not regret the loss of sight or the fragility anew of his body. He has seen much. He has etched his mark.
If the chancellor did not budge, he would have been a wallflower anew. He would have been a fixture asking what ifs til the days are through. Now, he has his chance, his shot at reaching so many his heart longed to reach. Now, he has comfort in the knowledge that when it comes to having the one for his life, he has to wait further and consider people and existing bonds around him.
To say that this chancellor has changed for the worse is gravely unfounded, a myth of some feeble mind. His gaze remains the same, his heart beats the same blood. He is confined to the solitude cell of his decision. His conviction pushes him to a resolution to all that has been---though that may never come. This chancellor is glad in the undertakings of the recent past and thanks the numerous people who encouraged him to take steps towards a goal---one apparently a success he now enjoys in the company of new and old friends, the other apparently futile due to complications.
I do not enjoy ambiguity. Yet I do not find much joy in detailed shallowness either. It is pointless to argue something that is beyond one's reach. The chancellor acknowledges defeat and moves to strike when the opportune time comes. But that is not now. The other has come.
The chancellor has to choose---whether let the green win him over, the side of him that yearns to be alive and vigorous about the presence of people and events around him. Or whether the black should win him, the side of him that longs to go the extra mile, to work because there is no content, to achieve greatness because it can. He learns it is a balance, and that balance is complemented to by moderation. He has learned how it is to sacrifice personal gain the hard way in face of strangers who cheer him on or those few who critique him. All is jolly and fair in life. All is beautiful. He has endured this and yet he still thinks little of himself. He has nothing much else to offer the world but what he is. To the woman of his heart who, if truth be told, is not clear to him, he has less to offer.
Many of you will never understand what the message of this blog entry conveys. Is this my way of breaking back to blog life? Honestly, I do not know when I will be able to blog again. I am unsure of many things. If people think the way they did before I got here. And where have I gotten to? Nowhere. I am me. I strive in ways that I know and am trained to do. I should.
What is clear to the chancellor is the path ahead. Of mending wounds, of removing scabs, of softening the skin or thickening of the covering for the battles ahead. He has much joy. He sees the sunlight pierce through the storm clouds. The winds of change excites him. The prospect of new surprises perhaps surely for him gives him hope, drives him on.
God be his witness, this man is moving forward in the company of demons and saints.
posted by green and black chancellor at 5:08 PM
2 comments
